We were exchanging stories the other night at work (OB Nurses). And one of my colleagues was an ER nurse before moving to OB. Her favorite was a guy that came in with a billiard ball up his butt. He said he was changing a tire on the side of the road, someone drove by and shoved it up there while he was bent over. She said ‘your pants were down while changing the tire? Hmm. He was adamant that’s what happened.” A mother insists she try corporal punishment before enrolling her kids in a strict private school. (5,500 words.) This all happened in Scotland – strange people, and I guess very open to sharing. That’s not the weirdest one though – she told me a story about some guy with a necrotic penis that had to be removed. More info on that if you fancy? I was pretty young, between 10 and 12, and I didn’t know what I was doing. It involved a pillow. I was basically dry-humping a pillow. My mum walked in. It was under covers but she knew. She. Knew.’

Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are obviously great. But with any kind of sex, putting a ton of pressure on having one can cause anxiety, ruin the experience, and even chase orgasms away, so it’s better to just enjoy the experience without a goal in mind. This is just as true with anal sex. Especially because when it comes to anal sex, orgasms aren’t exactly straightforward. To explain why, we have to get into some interesting G-spot and P-spot territory. Trying it ONLY once and not being really thrilled with it may not be the smartest thing to do, though. pm everything was going quiet then this couple came and the girl was literally full bent unable to move at all, so we had a great deal of trouble trying to put her into a stretcher and a bed, once we managed it, the boyfriend didn’t want to tell us anything at all about causes and ended most sentences with ‘it’s her butt.’ So after we had been in there for about an hour with basically no progress, the surgeons were realizing the only way to get it out was to do a laparotomy, open the bowels, and remove it from above. The attending surgeon decided to try one more time, with another staff member pushing as hard as they could on the guy’s belly to try and push the flashlight down from above. At this point, we were all tired and a little goofy, certainly in part due to the absurdity of the situation. It was a very long time ago and I thought it was the most incredible thing in the history of the world and thought no one else could do it, almost like a secret power. Used to do it all the time and then slowed it down, because it was getting weird.’

I worked at a fairly large American Military hospital. We had this Air Force guy come into our ER late in the evening. When he was asked to fill out a form that would state where is pain was he refused and calmly stated he needed to see a doctor ASAP. A little time goes past and our head nurse down in the ER goes and talks to him, where he politely refuses to explain what the issue is, only that he needed to see a doctor. This went on for a little while and eventually we got out of him that he was having some stomach pain. So they sent him to radiology for an X-ray to see if there was anything there… My wife used to work in ER. Older guy (mid-late 50’s), small peanut butter jar in the pooper. Said he fell in the tub and landed on it. Never bothered to mention why a small peanut butter jar was in the tub though. (it was vacuum sealed into his hole, not coming out on its own)” I was visiting my sister at uni when I was 16 and she threw a house party. I got smashed before the house party on Apple Sourz jelly shots. I passed out in her roommate’s bed and threw up in her shoe closet but it was alright because her shoes were ugly.’

You want to get some lite training with a smaller size dildo, get used to being penetrated and assure yourself that you can do all of that without any serious pain or discomfort. Knowing this because you saw how other dudes do it in porn and knowing it because you have tried and established it yourself is just like believing that you know how to swim because you saw other guys swimming and thought, if they can do it, I can do it, too. I was 13 and it was on Wandsworth Common where everyone used to go and just get really drunk. Some creepy guy dragged me off and I swear, his tongue explored my face in its entirety. S C A R R E D.’ His eyes took in the pennant from Halifax and pictures of he and mom. Also himself and his buddy Troy, taken at Boy Scout Summer Camp last year. In this tender period piece, a woman in a Puritan society is falsely accused of being a witch and is put on trial. (7,555 words.) I remember my first time because I was in the bath and the shower head ended up between my legs and was feeling quite nice. Got quite into it and then the shower head came off.’

During anal

I pump her full. Hot water blasts in deeper and deeper, stretching, bloating, second after tortuous second. I keep an eye on the little meter on the tap: one litre. Two. Three. Her colon, her intestines, all pumped full and burning... I lower the horse’s legs and push it out from beneath Barb. She dangles from her wrists, legs shaking too hard to stand. When I pop the release on the nozzle in her cunt, water starts leaking even before I’ve unplugged her. The nozzle comes out with a gush down her thighs. First, there are some types of enemas you definitely shouldn’t use: “I don’t advise using store-bought enemas containing laxative solution, which cause your rectum to spasm and stimulate emptying,” Dr. Thomas says. “Those harsh solutions can irritate the rectum and tiny tears can increase the risk of STI transmission.” If you take more than the recommended dose, laxative solutions can lead to dehydration and electrolyte imbalances that can damage your organs and even kill you. Long-term use can cause a loss of muscle tone in your intestines, which means your colon won’t be able to contract and push out your poop normally. At the end of the day, when it comes to anal sex, do what makes your body feel good. And don’t give up if your first attempt isn't immediately wonderful: This type of play can have a bit of a learning curve, so go at your own pace, communicate with your partner, and enjoy the ride. Whenever somebody comes in with something up their butt, and they start making excuses, they get made fun of (not to their face, obviously). And they will see people stealing a glance and some smiles, and it will make the whole ordeal that much more embarrassing.

Once the patient was anesthetized, the surgeons went to work. Despite one person pushing on his belly and another person elbow-deep into the guy’s ass, that flashlight would not budge. They tried using all kinds of instruments, but nothing would work. At one point, we thought we had it, but it was just the screw-on light portion of the flashlight coming undone from the shaft. I could recognize the set because my daughter has one, I’ll never look at Legos the same way again :(”Now his dreaming relived that awesome trip last weekend to Economy Lake, ten miles north of Bass River village. Had a patient come in with a coconut up his ass. He was nothing but straight up about it. He had put it in a carrier bag, applied lubricant, inserted said bag up his ass, enjoyed sexy fun times, then tried to pull it out. The handles snapped and the coconut stayed in his ass. For three days he tried to get it out before admitting defeat. Last we heard he now requires the use of a colostomy bag because the fibers on the outside of a coconut rip the insides to ribbons.” His brow furrowed when he thought a lot. And he was thinking about Larry, his neighbor who took him fishing last Saturday. I knew it! I just knew it!" he exploded. "Why didn't you ask me how I might feel?" Without giving his mother a chance to answer Kenny grabbed his schoolbooks and rushed out of the room.