Six years ago I was suicidal. When I quit drinking I was still very low so I started researching how to change that. I kept coming up against gratitude and ‘finding beauty in the everyday’, and even though my Britishness was like, ‘that’s way too cheesy and twee for me’, I gave it a go. I joined a gratitude group on Facebook and started writing gratitudes every day and it completely turned my mental health around. Catherine Gray is an award-winning writer and editor who has been featured in the Guardian, Stylist, the Telegraph, Grazia, The Lancet Psychiatrist, Mr & Mrs Smith, BBC Earth, Women's Health, Stella, T2, Private Eye, Woman's Hour and BBC Breakfast. When she's not writing, Catherine can generally be found taking twenty (identical) pictures of the sunset, wondering why she's always the sweatiest person in yoga, fighting her 'spend it all!' financial urges, or scanning the body language of strangers to see if it's OK to pet their dog. How to Identify Smartphone Dependency, Stop Compulsive Behavior and Develop a Healthy Relationship with Your Devices The heart of The Unexpected Joy of Being Single is Gray’s story of how she got from being a love addict and romantic cliché to feeling proud of her single life and confident that hers will be a happy life no matter how long her singlehood lasts.

This book really is a must read for anybody single and struggling to figure out how to process it. Catherine Gray is the single friend i wish i had, reassuring me that everything is more than ok. How being single is often seen as a ‘waiting existence’. That is, waiting to find ‘the one’ and why it’s now a misguided idea. People can't wind you up if you don't give them the key!" (quote from the mother of Catherine Grey in this book) When you first meet your partner, they're amazing, everything's fresh and new and wild. But you inevitably ‘hedonically adapt’ to them. Even if you're dating Liam Hemsworth or Mila Kunis. So as long as you know that no matter who you're with that's going to happen, then you can adjust your expectations.”Sophie Tanner embraces ‘sologamy’, the act of marrying oneself. Photograph: Image provided by Sophie Tanner That is so true when you think about,” says Catherine. “A year ago I really wanted to live on my own, I was done with house-sharing and I wanted furniture so that I could feel like an adult. Now I have these things, but of course now I'm thinking ‘I want to buy a flat’, and ‘I want to make my flat look like Soho House’. You forget that what you have now is what you always wanted. And you made it happen! So you need to consciously remind yourself.” Coming out of a toxic relationship and hating being alone I have now been very happily single for over a year now and this book explains the joys of being single so well. society has consciously or unconsciously programmed our brains to think that marriage and starting a family is the ultimate goal of life, but no! it's 2020 and we should be able to do and live as we please. what i have taken from this book is that i have bloody high standards and boundaries that should never be broken, it will take a very very amazing human to convince me of the idea of marriage, if this person does not come into my life then i will happily and proudly remain single!

Gray’s book isn’t a condemnation of relationships so much as an exploration of her own ‘love addiction’ and the research behind why you should work on being as happy solo as you imagine you would be with someone else. Which is hella valid and worth exploring even if you’re coupled up. To reflect that reality, Nicola Slawson, 35, a journalist from Shropshire, set up the Single Supplement, a newsletter for single women. “A lot of the content aimed at women is condescending and negative,” she says. “It’s all about what to do with your partner or how to get a partner if you don’t have one. The assumption that being in a relationship is the norm is really infuriating. So I aim to write about the things that really matter to single women – everything from self-acceptance to practical issues like money management on a single income.” She says she is not bothered by the thought that she may never have children. “You don’t have to have children to complete you, in the same way that you don’t need a partner.” Ever loved someone so much, you would do anything for them? Yeah, well, make that someone yourself and do whatever the hell you want.’ – HARVEY SPECTER, SUITS” we’re held up by the scaffolding of the stories we tell ourselves. Without that scaffolding, we feel insecure, wobbly, like we’re a building that’s about to rumble to the ground.”Catherine Gray quotes from Jennifer Taitz's: "How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...) :- "At any moment, we can choose a new action, and create new patterns of behaviour that link to our hopes. Our past doesn't need to dictate our future". So true: "The feeling of failure over being single is created by a thousand paper cuts of the sympathetic 'Oh wells', or the 'You'll meet someone' reassurers, or the 'Have you tried?' fixers." I know those 'Have you tried?' fixers are trying to be helpful, but seriously, do you think I haven't tried internet dating yet? Or anything you're suggesting? I have yet to have anyone ever give me useful advice. So you know what, unless we ask for it, please keep your advice to yourself, smug marrieds! It was also fun reading a book by a writer who is the exact same age as me; I was loving all the cultural references which I could so relate to. You don’t have to be single to enjoy this book – the techniques Gray suggests to help self-soothe are useful for anxiety. And for those in a relationship, it raises important questions about co-dependency and who you are as an individual. It is comforting to have someone rationalise your most irrational thoughts, the weird hypothetical situations you create in your head before actually meeting someone, and those intense digital connections which fray rapidly in real life.

In the Community of Single People, someone just asked if anyone had read Catherine Gray’s book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Single. I reviewed it a few years ago, but since that review is no longer available online, I’m sharing it here. “The Unexpected Joy of Being Single,” by Catherine Gray My alcohol dependence and my love addiction prop each other up, like a smashed people trying to walk home from a party. My drinking enables me to secure boyfriends, and when it falls apart, my drinking is there to console me, or to catapult me on to the next conquest. This year Tanner released her novel Reader, I Married Me, loosely based on her experiences of sologamy. “It’s an anti-romcom, where the character embraces the power of being on her own,” she says. Although she believes romantic love can bring happiness, Tanner maintains that having a positive relationship with yourself is more important. “It feels like there are more couples who are settling than those who are truly compatible. People could surprise themselves by realising how happy they could be on their own.” There are far better-written books on the joys of solitude, how its distinct from loneliness, why increasingly people are embracing solitude and what do we gain from doing so. For starters, I would recommend these:

In 2018, the author Catherine Gray published a book about how her search for happiness had led her to take a year off dating. And what did she call it? The Unexpected Joy of Being Single. Over half of Brits aged 25-44 are now single. It's become the norm to remain solo until much later in life, given the average marriage ages of 35 (women) and 38 (men). Many of us are choosing never to marry at all. Catherine Gray went through all of this. And then some. She took a whole year off dating to get her love-hooked head straight. How do we chill our boots about our single status? Detach from 'all the good ones are gone!' panic? And de-programme from urgent, red, heart-shaped societal pressure to find your 'other half * '? We know intellectually that single is far preferable to panic-settling, yet we forget that almost constantly. Why? Psychologists and neuroscientists tell us? Let's start the reverse-brainwash and locate our happily-single sanity, for good. Are you in?

Having dabbled with dating apps since 2017, it’s a feeling with which I’m familiar. While it’s easy to meet people online, I’ve always found it hard to make a real connection. There are only so many times I can swipe left on men called Zed who pose topless in their nan’s living room. Instead of sitting through another mediocre round of drinks with a teetotal accountant preparing for his next Tough Mudder, I would rather spend time doing the things I love. Whether that’s going to the theatre, visiting the farmers’ market or creating new recipes with my pretentious, overpriced vegetables, it feels more empowering to invest in your own passions. No one wants to end up like Bridget Jones, that vodka-slurping poster child for miserable spinsters. Catherine Gray quotes from Alain de Bouton: "Only once singlehood has completely equal prestige with its alternative (coupledom), can we be sure that people can be free in their choices." This is indeed a trend that is largely led by women. But Rob Smith, 36, who runs a property development business on the south coast of England, points out that maintaining a happy relationship with yourself is just as important for men. “I’ve been single for five years and I’m very comfortable with it. I had a job that required me to travel frequently and I value my independence, freedom and flexibility,” he says. “I wouldn’t have been able to have a lot of the experiences I have had if I was in a relationship.” However, when his family started making jokes about his single status and pressuring him to settle down, he began to internalise their negativity. “I ended up going on a dating spree to try and find someone, which made me really unhappy.”

When I saw this book on the shelf at Foyle's, I immediately groaned. There are few things I hate more than people trying to convince me just how amazing being single is when I'd rather not be in this state. Nevertheless, I decided to buy it as knowledge is power and if someone can convince me that single is amazing, I would be very thankful. Therefore, I shall call this review "The Unexpected Joy of Enjoying This Book." Not only did I enjoy this book, I LOVED it. For someone who doesn't like being told how great single is, that's quite impressive. However, I do think that a more appropriate title for the book would be "The Unexpected Joy of Not Settling." So in the end, it was a lot of what I'd already say I know: in my ripe old age (39), I already know that it is a GAZILLION BAJILLION times to be single than to be with the wrong person and that is indeed why I am single. I see a lot of people in relationships that I don't envy for a second and I know that I am better off. Catherine Gray took a whole year off dating to find single satisfaction. She lifted the lid on the reasons behind the global single revolution, explored the bizarre ways cultures single-shame, detached from 'all the good ones are gone!' panic and debunked the myth that married people are much happier. The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single. What a great title for a book, wouldn’t you agree? We were instantly curious! Given the documented rise in solo living and the growing number of singletons, this book is timely and expresses what many singles already know. Seasoned solos may be more ‘joyful’ than newbies because let’s face it – not everyone is completely comfortable with their single status. But, do we underestimate the joys of living alone and being single? Have we been slow to appreciate the benefits and are they only realised when a single life proves to be a long term experience?