Transvestism is something those of us who engage with it usually keep secret in our lives. Personally I struggle with this and do live in fear of being outed. I've wanted to dress up as a female since I was a young teenager yet that deep desire terrified me and did so for decades of my life. I am genuinely terrified of people finding out I cross-dress as a woman and yet I adore it! I have not travelled far on that journey as my female self only appears two times a year due to the necessary compromise I committed to in my life. By the time I set free my inner female self I was a married man with a family and responsibilities. I have no wish to give up this life which now means more to me than the my inner dream of being female. I do need to express my female self so I have to become Helene at some point. My family though not pleased do tolerate my need and allow me to get on with it quietly on these two occasions each year. My relationship with my transvestism is something that fascinates me greatly and is something I really enjoy analysing and on rare occasions get to discuss, I am completely fascinated by my transgender feelings. I do often question my motives as being a transvestite brings with it a lot of emotions and satisfaction, indeed a sense of fulfilment yet it also carries for me doubt and guilt and confusion. Eyeliner is definitely my weak area in terms of application. As I’m older now I usually soften all my liner with a blending brush and I usually apply two coats of mascara to my lashes. I have been using soft pink gel blusher in recent years which I blend in to soften the look once I have applied it to my cheeks. I usually use dark brown eyeshadow applied with an angled brush to define my eyebrows. I will freely admit I enjoy the process of transforming from male to female. Shaving off my body hair and reshaping my eyebrows is a physical commitment to my female self which is always an exciting and daring thing to commit to. I entitled the picture accompanying this narrative, which is actually a still frame from one of my videos, ‘Putting it all together’. I gave it that title as that’s how I think of my transformation into my female alter-ego.

We have today, in too many parts of North America, a culture that says... while most other forms of organized hate and discrimination are frowned upon... it's okay to ostracize and mistreat people... solely on the basis of who they love.The inspector arrives in his rather jaunty sports auto. He emerges with his Detective Sargent, approaching a waiting constable. Yes, your father told me he heard as much from Lord Bruton on New Year’s Eve. He is selling parcels of land there because he hopes for a better price from a developer, being the closest point to Glynes village and the main road.” Lady Sadie admits. Scrutinising her daughter through sharp and slightly squinting eyes she adds, “I can trust your discretion, can’t I Lettice?” The other major change was buying an airbrush make-up applicator kit. This uses a technique where the foundation, which is silicone based, is sprayed on in an aerosol form creating a smooth flawless foundation coverage on your face. It can make your skin look a lot smoother. It’s usually used for applying foundation make-up in cinema films and television as it produces a smooth skin finish. Never believe the women you see in films and on television have amazing skin, it is all down to make-up techniques using applicators such as the airbrush. Moving on from that current reality, my embracing transvestism saved me and enabled true self expression. I rarely become a woman and adore the precious few hours I am able to cross-dress and adopt a female appearance. When I have undergone the process of male to female transformation, something that is lengthy and requires much planning in my situation, I am thrilled and euphoric to cease being male for a few hours.

Oh, say the critics, but polygamy's tied to child abuse. Uh, right. That's the same thing they say about same-sex unions... based on their ludicrous assumption that all homosexuals are somehow pedophiles, or sex fiends. Ridiculous. The producer, his camera crew and the actors were all cleared and released, the authorities soon realizing that they had been the patsy’s for a for more organized ring of thieves. It is believed the stolen gems never left the country, but whomever eventually fenced them was not amongst the ones known to the authorities.

It hadn’t been a bad time imprisioned down there, nor good either, after the door had been shut and bolted home on them. These days I believe in admitting to all the things I’ve gone through in my quest to become a convincing looking woman when I cross-dress and I think it’s good to embrace your needs, desires and your past. I’ve gone through the whole micro skirts, skyscraper high heels and over the top make-up trying to act overtly sexy so why deny it, it happened and I loved doing it at the time. Go for it I say!

And with that, Wist brushes past Li, offering a comforting smile to Mags as he heads off towards the stage*The film canister was handed over to the chief Inspector who carefully had the bomb disposal squad open it. It only contained a single reel of film. I was very excited to walk onto the wee set I had prepared for the photos...that sounds a bit grand for what was in fact a large white cloth. I had set up a couple of studio lights and I was now in my own little fantasy of being an actress posing for a photo-shoot. One day I hope I will actually pass as a woman and no-one is aware I am really a man. That would be quite thrilling to pull off and also it would fulfil the part of my persona that dreams of being female. For me it’s a clear ambition and an activity I really enjoy. Others have told me I must be homosexual and should admit it or I’m too serious. The ruth is I have a huge amount of fun with this and enjoy myself and though I want to make my female persona be convincing, I think of it as me being an heterosexual woman, I am not gay. I would (dare) to portray myself as the woman alongside a man but I have no desire to ever be intimate with a man. I suppose I see it as a form of validation of my efforts to be a convincing woman. Video was exciting, I was suddenly seeing myself not just dressed as a woman but moving and I realised I had to try harder if I wanted to become a woman during the times I cross-dressed. It was really exciting and I drew on Michelle’s inspiration greatly. also found video was great for opening up about being a transvestite. I found it incredibly liberating to appear as a woman on camera and just chat about all the things I had suppressed for decades. Video has now become my outlet for self expression in regard to my female side. Besides. Why should anyone's choice of who to love... or who to marry... be anyone else's business? As long as no one's being victimized, what's the problem?

Wander through the fields, enjoy the villa, and gardens, take a swim in the ocean. Look for places where you and your lover might enjoy the sights and each other. Typically at this stage I will apply my make-up at this point and an urgency begins to take root, the awareness I am committing to try and be more feminine than masculine grows exponentially and I have to force myself to be patient and take things steadily. I adore the moment I finally disguise my beard shadow with make-up and this induces a considerable confidence boost that pushes me forward to complete my transformation. I will admit a big thrill courses through me at this stage and I can at times, feel rather light headed. I often need to calm myself before proceeding.

The reel depicted the ballroom scene, referring to a street girl being passed off as a member of royal society, fooling all the experts in such matters. What this actually had to do with the case was one of many mysteries never solved, but it gave the absconded gang their name. No, Mamma!” Lettice raises her hands in defence of her words. “Mind you, Gerald is an eligible young bachelor too.” Penguin- Nothing so brash. You've spent far too much time with Kobra... They'll start hunting soon enough, and they'll want you with them, for the extra manpower of course. When they find him, however long that takes, you will do whatever you can to stop him talking.