One of the biggest components of BDSM is that the relationship consists of a Dominant and a submissive. This is actually the cornerstone of this lifestyle. A Dominant will take control of the submissive. The extent of control is discussed and agreed upon between the two parties before any play time can happen. I don’t ever see myself moving away from being in a sub domme relationship,’ he says. ‘I would just like it to be more accepted. I just think that just because I’m a male, that shouldn’t just mean I’m the dominant one. I would just like to think that males can be submissive if they want to. Women can be dominant if they want to as well. Im looking in advice on what rules, punishments that are given out from breaking a rule/rules and for rewards when rules are respected and when my sub is acting good. But when it comes to online resources, most of what you find when you search for ‘punishments for subs’ or ‘punishment sub’ or the usual truncated Google nonsense are listicles of sexytime funishment ideas. Which is not particularly helpful if you’re after advice on how to implement ‘real’ punishments as part of a power exchange dynamic. Effective punishment relies on understanding the thoughts and feelings which led to the misbehaviour in the first place. So, consider how you’re going to deal with underlying emotions when designing your punishment protocol.

Now if you did not faint, you can see this is a punishment to be avoided at all costs. And yes, I have applied this, so its not a fantasy. It’s as real as it gets. Another third were genuinely curious so we talked through what being a sub meant to me. Some people found it really educating. It actually made me feel better about men, less afraid of engaging with them.’ Like I noted earlier, a submissive “allows” a Dominant to discipline or correct her. However, this “allowance” has to be set up well before it even becomes a thing. It’s not like a Dominant asks whether he can punish a sub: “You were naughty, can I spank you now?” No. That would not be Dom-ly behavior. A Dom doesn’t ask permission. But a Dom and sub DO negotiate and create agreements or contracts that include expectations and consequences ( see yesterday’s post “ Contracts and Negotiations in D/s Relationships”). In this way, a sub does agree to be punished. But once the contract or agreement is in use, the Dom does not ask, and the sub does not say no. She simply takes the consequence. If she does not agree with it, that is a conversation that can be had, but not at the time of correction. There’s always a “safe word” to stop the action RIGHT NOW if things get to that point, but it is the job of the Dom to enforce the rules, and the responsibility of the sub to accept that.

Punishment as often fetishised and fantasied about as it is misunderstood. So, first things first, make sure it’s really what you’re after. Punishing a sub doesn’t necessarily mean hurting them Let me take a bit of a tangent for a moment to explain why. Today, while I was driving around running errands, the DJ on the radio was talking about relationships. He noted that 71% of people polled for a particular study said that they wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone unless they felt it was “egalitarian,” and that 29% didn’t mind following someone else’s lead. Of course, I have no idea what study this was, nor do I give it any real credence. But I do feel that the vast majority of Westerner’s feel relationships should be equal and would not understand the power dynamic of a D/s relationship or why any submissive would want it. And punishment? Well that’s just abuse, right? With no holds barred, it’s the home of sex positive chat, where Miranda will be joined each week by sexperts and special guests to explore the world of the erotic. Sitting in a corner- Submissive sits in the corner of the room to have quiet reflection on the rule breaking. This should not be for an undetermined amount of time. Dominants should be careful to tow the line between correction and abuse.

My sub and I use what we call ‘disclaimers’ – a few sentences to let the other person know the situation and to pre-empt misunderstanding. This is very useful in a variety of situations, but particularly where we are talking about something we are just coming to explore.

The long answer is: If a Dom does not have the power to enforce behavior, and there aren’t any expectations for the sub to live up to, then it’s not really D/s. I don’t like being physically punished, I’ll admit that right up front. In fact, there are times it has really pissed me off. In the past, there have been moments when it just made me feel like I was being treated like a child, which, in turn, made me feel resentful and angry. But, punishment is not intended to make the Dominant feel good. They may get a thrill out of spanking your ass for fun, but correcting you through punishment or consequence is a responsibility…with the intention of shaping your behavior and improving you. Whether it’s a spanking or orgasm denial, it should happen in a timely manner. Even a stern lecture over text message can make a huge impact. A sub needs to know they are important enough for the Dom to want to correct bad behavior. BDSM Submissive Punishment Ideas Paddling- Administered like a spanking but uses an object like an actual paddle, ruler, hair brush, etc.

Every time a rule is broken, it should be crystal clear what the consequence was. Ensure both of you understand which rules can result in which specific punishments. If I broke a rule and knew that I disappointed my Dominant, I would need to have a discussion about what happened, why I shouldn’t break the rule, why the punishment happened, and that I am still loved and cared for. I made a bad choice, I am not a bad girl. While it looks different than post-playtime aftercare, that bit of reassurance and reconnection allows me to have time to improve and remember he is still there for me. Rewards Touching Restrictions- The submissive is not allowed to touch or be touched by the Dominant. If the submissive shows their affection through touch, this can be especially difficult.But that is far from the truth. While I do believe dominance in a lifestyle sense involves some aspect of leadership, there is a difference between leadership and playing the role of a parent.