And that man can rap too. Here is a sample of a few of my favorite quotes from old Professor Problem-solver: Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: When Cliff is captured by the military and suspected of spying, it turns out he's on good terms with a Sir Ronald Bradley at Whitehall. If he were a regular civilian without a direct line to a knighted politician, he'd probably be in big trouble. Yeah, reading that scene was kind of like the disappointed moans of the Satellite of Love crew at that scene. Night Of The Crabs’ was the first instalment in Guy’s signature ‘Crabs’ series, but should possibly be read after the later released prequel entitled ‘ The Origin Of The Crabs’ (1979). The prequelends exactly where ‘Night Of The Crabs’ takes off, bringing together a seamless and tight storyline to begin the crabs series off with. It’s real enough,” he said grimly. “I wish to God it wasn’t, though! Just look at the size of that one!”

Later, upon seeing the leader of the Crabs (oh yes, Crabbies got themselves a head honcho), the Professor curses, “King Crab!!...See the Devil? Twice as big as the others. He’s more cunning than any human being. Somehow he’s got them out there [hiding]. But how?” ...Only a brilliant, scientific mind could intuit such sly cunning on the part of King Crab by simply looking at him. The novel starts off with a return to Shell Island. Whilst Irey Wall’s husband shoots off on a fishing trip with his mates, Irey is sent off to the Blue Ocean Holiday Camp with their two children. Irey soon meets up with musclehead Keith Baxtor, who decides to take Irey on a secluded picnic, with the obvious intention of seducing the poor lady. Baxtor’s raunchy plans don’t get very far, when out from the sea pop our gigantic crustacean friends.Around this time I became Poland's best-selling author. Phantom Press published two GNS books each month, mostly with print runs of around 100,000. This book was written in the 70's so I had some issues with the views on women, but I understand this book is a product of its time, so that's cool. Writing books that are really awful and yet also manage readable and fun is hard. Films can pull off the “so bad it’s good” thing much more easily because they require so little effort from the audience. Watching a cheesy b-movie and you can just let the bad acting, script and direction wash over you and appreciate the bits that make it great - the sex and the violence. In ‘Night of the Crabs’, Guy N Smith proves himself to be an extremely talented writer. The book is terrible, often laughably bad, but it’s also a blast. Actually, he goes above and beyond his usual level of unlikability. We spend an inordinate amount of time with a married couple who lie to each other about how impressive their careers are as they discover their mentally impaired teenage son masturbating for the first time. As his ashamed mother yells at him to stop and he goes forward, I realized the price of this ebook could have bought three or four items at Taco Bell.

King Mook: The aptly-named "King Crab," the largest of the already gigantic crabs. His smaller brethren are no slouches, but he's the biggest. So there we have it, ‘Crabs’ Moon’ has its place already in the story of the crabs, the scene is already set and the crabs are ready for the inevitable blood shed.

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Guy N. Smith’s epic masterpiece covers the entire spectrum of human/crab drama, from military tactics to life, death, and romance to scientific inquiry. Book 3: Waitress whose main goal is to have our hero "accidentally" impregnate her to get out of her little town. Impregnated. Crabbed. Bournmouth have their own war with the crabs on their hands (Night of the Crabs) and so with a few brief mentions of good old Cliff Davenport, the army turn up in the vain attempts at protecting the civilians at Shell Island. That's awesome, despite being the second silliest thing I've ever seen Godzilla do. On Mystery Science Theater 3000, it even amused Joel and the bots. Smith’s ‘Crabs’ Moon’ is a curious instalment into the crabs series. It does fill a gap that was present within ‘Night of the Crabs’, adding a further insight into the repeated and horrific wars that took place between the crabs and mankind at Shell Island.