Adult children seem to like to loudly proclaim their adulthood and rights and smarts while not acting exactly mature! Us more seasoned in life have a bigger perspective so tend to be more compassionate. Lo and behold!! but even our tolerance and kindness can be used against us. It can be like watching a bratty little kid pulling a hissy fit with us going let’s calm down and talk. People calm down and talk when they truly want to and not a minute sooner. Everybody does what they want to do! Cause we are all prone to this! Adult kids especially! But I also think of Matthew 7:6 where Jesus said, "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." NIV. Sometimes we need to refrain from casting our pearls of wisdom around because it only aggravates them - as painful as it is to compare them to swine or to dogs. It's not that we are classifying them as pigs, but that their own behavior in their reactions to pearls - acting like this - classifies them. Because let’s be honest. Our kids will all blow it, in one way or another. They might get in trouble. They might violate our values. Or they might just do stuff that boggles our minds, like when one of my relatives tried to unclog his toilet with a cherry bomb. He dropped it in the bowl and then stood on the lid. Is that what the prodigal son in Luke’s gospel wanted to know? He certainly didn’t feel worthy of love. He knew he’d made a mess of his life. He did not expect to be welcomed with open arms. I love my adult daughter very much! We were close until she turned 23. We did everything together and we showed love and respect for each other.

Audrey: I do want to encourage parents to read your book and I think it’s good to read as early as you can, even during adolescence or sooner to kind of prepare yourself emotionally for the journey so that you’re ready for it. But even if you have already a 30 year old, you could still read it and get some great insights from it.

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No matter what the situation, be persistent in pursuing a relationship with your adult children, recognizing that you may be closer to some of them than others. If your child is completely ignoring you and you’ve already attempted to ask why you may need to give them time and space. Don’t take it personally, and consistently express your desire for a relationship when they’re ready. Adult Children Who Disrespect Their Parents The consequences of poor choices can be really, um, messy. They can be hard to clean up. And the fallout might last a long time.

I sort of noticed that too- there are no constructive responses, but maybe that’s not really the intent of this. Anyway, I don’t think you can really treat a 50 year old any different than a 40 or 30 year old. It’s just that you have been going through this 10 or 20 or 30 years longer so you may be more resolute to make a change (or more engrained in your patterns 🙁 I took time to inwardly focus on how much I love her and how much I wish for her. Then I talked to her with as much intensity and gentleness as I could, telling her the story about the day she was born, and how I burst with love and commitment for her, and what my wishes and hopes were for her then and now. I didn’t say anything about the matters which had been in contention. She cried and said, “Now I don’t even feel like keeping that plan…” and I won’t ramble about details, but there was a change. Carrie Krawiec, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Birmingham Maple Clinicin Troy, Michigan, advises parents to take an inventory of what they can control and what they can’t. “You may not be able to control how late your adult child stays out or sleeps in, but you might be able to control their resources like money, use of the car, etc.,” says Krawiec. “Create rules for adult children living at home and expectations for the things you can control and avoid what you can’t.” What to Do About Adult Children Who Expect MoneyAudrey: Even if they’re doing things that are crazy or not right, you can still affirm them and be their biggest fan. On the other hand, I remember a beloved uncle saying that he never wanted to say or do anything that drove his children away, even when they disagreed. I remember his son once calling his dad (my uncle) his best friend. And another time, much later on, he said that everything his dad ever said, ever warned him about was true. There were a couple of points I didn't completely agree with. For example, he had some different counsel/reaction than I think I would regarding "children not embracing my values" and I didn't agree with his attitude toward the culture and its effect on our children. He seems to think it's expected that culture will influence our children more than we can and we just have to accept it. I don't think it has to be that way, nor do I think it is good to just passively give in.

There's a couple other comments I've heard on that proverb (22:6.) One is that while the proverb talks about what the child will do when he/she is old, it doesn't mention anything about the middle years. It includes many who wander and who do return to faith. Be encouraging but not intrusive. You are a consultant at their will. Your job is to be caring and supportive of your child, to mentor only when called upon, and to be your child’s biggest cheerleader." As the mom I seem to be carrying the larger share of the work load, house cleaning, shopping and walking both of our dogs.In the introduction, the author mentioned that his nine principles were discovered and refined with his own adult children, which makes the engineer in me cringe a little and say that his sample-size for these recommendations was very small. n=3 adult children Why not read a book from a completely opposing perspective to yours every so often, that was absolutely not intended for you, for the sake of curiosity? To give the author due credit, this is the sort of book would have appealed to the bible bashing elements of my family, and if they read and followed the advice in there, a lot of problems could have been avoided. The advice within is mild, generic, peacekeeping and in alignment with the general inoffensive pop-psychology guidance that you would find in a typical airport bookstore, just with an added bible verse here and there. Such as: You can choose the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret." That's true not only in young adults learning financial stability, but also in others areas of life as well. Dieting comes to mind.

My adult 37 year old daughter, bought a condo with me when my husband died suddenly. Sharing the cost of living expenses has allowed both of us, some financial freedom when other wise we would both really struggle. This book was written by a white, wealthy Christian boomer for other white, wealthy Christian boomers who do American things like 'paying for college', talking at length about 'living by biblical money management and stewardship principles' and having existential crises when their children do things like 'cohabitation' and 'promiscuity'. It encourages parents to reconnect with their adult children by paying for their wedding, doing grandparenting, listening and 'being fun' so that they can happily put off interrogating any of the common reasons their millennial children are avoiding them (homo/transphobia, supporting Trump, being racist). Enabling behavior shields people from experiencing the full impact and consequences of their behavior. Oh and this thirty seven year old soon to be dad….rides a bicycle….can I get some real advice. I do not want to raise a baby. I worked hard and wanted to enjoy retirement.I love my children with all my heart and it makes me sad and hurt when they dont answer my text or call. If i will call Jim made lots of good points in our talk (and you’ll find even more in his book), but here are three of my top takeaways: Earlier this week, I had the pleasure (the fun!) of interviewing a fellow who has answers to questions like these. Some of the difficulties highlight subtle links between a mother’s own experience and that of her children. As a psychodynamic psychotherapist, Byford is attuned to spotting patterns, such as those of Carole, who feared that her daughter’s husband and his family would become closer to her than she could get. Byford wonders if Carole might be over-interpreting events or even provoking them, as in her youth she had suffered with her own mother, who remarried and had two more children, leaving Carole to be sent, unhappily, to boarding school.