Until then, take care of yourselves and each other and know that even though it sucks now, it will eventually become better. Most situations that are within the book just needed our names changing and it was us, so the ex must of eithe wrote it under a sudaname or read it years before I did! In certain situations, the court may recommend counseling or mediation to facilitate better communication and conflict resolution. I know this can seem expensive and wasteful, but your peace of mind is worth every penny (and it’s ultimately cheaper than therapy or more court appearances). Once you get into the habit of co-parenting, you’re likely to notice certain patterns in your ex’s behavior.

Our focus is on fostering a healthy co-parenting dynamic that protects your children from the negative effects of toxic behavior. This very attitude of blaming and not self-reflecting is harmful, setting off high anxiety in kids and as mentioned, loyalty conflicts,” explains Hollman.L. Baker's books I had not fully realised how much harm a toxic non-custodial ex can do to their children. With online therapy platforms like Regain, users can attend sessions with their counselors at times that work for their schedule.

They want to know that they’re still dominant in your life, despite the fact that you’ve broken up (and all of these were likely the reasons you broke up in the first place).I found the advice at the end, to parents affected by parental alienation, particularly helpful in finding a way forward for myself now, through what has been a most difficult time that spanned a large part of my life and still affects us now even though he's died a couple of years ago (mercifully). This is important when co-parenting with a toxic ex, because anything you say or do may be used against you. The nature of the split or breakup can also greatly contribute to how well exes manage to get along with one another following a break-up.

Gaslighting is a dangerous form of manipulation where someone acts in such a way that you start doubting your perceptions, your memory or your own judgment. Unfortunately, this sometimes means that you will have to ignore or disengage from your ex’s antics and attempts to create chaos. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. If I would have known about this book sooner, I firmly believe I could have saved myself thousands of dollars in counseling, mediation, and attorney fees.Proof is that the fact that she was so young did not stop my toxic ex from manipulating the courts, filling false accusations on me and worst of all at a tender age of two my toxic ex already tells her lies. The terms of communication, the system of rewards and punishments for the child, forbidden activities, medical care, financials, school events, extra-curricular activities, calendar and scheduling of activities are just some of the things that you should be clear on. It seems like your ex has become the “fun parent” while you’re the one making sure your kids are safe and sound. Shield them from the details of any ongoing disputes and ensure they feel protected from the negative aspects of your relationship with your ex-spouse. A separation or divorce is never easy on kids, and they’ll need lots of love and reassurance to help them through the transition.

When it comes to sex relationships and divorce, couples’ counselors and marriage counselors are great resources. If my ex didn't exist, my kids and I would have a wonderful relationship, but he constantly puts thoughts in their heads and badmouths me daily. Include a detailed schedule of your children’s day throughout the week and the weekends, including holidays and vacations. Like a guerilla manual, the book arms co-parents with tools for coping with a variety of scenarios, including when the ex is sending poisonous messages, interfering with contact and communication, 'erasing and replacing, ' encouraging the child to betray confidences and trust, or undermining the co-parent's authority.

Instead, there are rules and strict boundaries for everything, with as little direct communication as possible. When able to do so, co-parenting in productive ways should be a goal for all caregivers, no matter the age of the child. This book is actually a good guide on what to expect if you already have doubt's about your relationship with your partner and are considering a separation with kids involved. As you’ve likely already learned (or you wouldn’t be here with me right now), none of these reasonable, loving boundaries work when you’ve got a toxic ex. While you should try to minimize any communication with your toxic ex, make sure to keep each other in the loop regarding your child.