Feeling that way is untenable for anyone, but especially for one of AEW's top acts. He was expected to perform on television at least once per week, if not more. So, Moxley said he switched to beer, something with lower alcohol content, in an attempt to taper himself off. That didn't work, either.

JON MOXLEY WOKE up hungover the morning of Oct. 31, 2021, in Des Moines, Iowa. He knew the feeling all too well. PAQUETTE REMEMBERS A morning last October when Moxley returned from a wrestling show already intoxicated from drinking on the plane ride. At that point, Moxley said he didn't feel right without alcohol in his system. He had Googled the effects of withdrawal: seizures, cardiac arrest and death. His biggest fear was one of those things happening on a flight or on national television, so he felt like he had to continue drinking to avoid tragedy. It was a vicious cycle. When it's bad, it's bad -- you can't do anything," said Moxley. "The best way I can describe it is crushing physical anxiety. It's not like you have anything to be nervous about, but your hands are shaky and twitchy.While passing out candy, Moxley dialed the Desert Hope Treatment Center. Within 15 minutes, he was in an Uber and shortly after he was at the facility -- a large, 148-bed compound 4 miles east of the Las Vegas Strip. They took his phone. No one knew except Paquette. When he's drinking,] he's fun to be around. He's always in a good mood," Paquette said. "He's never the guy who you see who turns into a mean drunk or wants to get behind a wheel. He would just want to drink and fall asleep." Moxley said he figured if he just told AEW to announce that he was out for personal reasons, the rumors would be worse than what was happening. He saw no reason to lie and felt a burden lifted when he told Paquette that AEW could say publicly that he was in rehab.

It's hard to put into words. But it's f---ing horrible." "He's so important to AEW and to me personally," said AEW president Tony Khan of Moxley's rehab and return to the ring. "I really care about Jon a lot." All Elite Wrestling But, in Des Moines, he realized something had to give. He couldn't continue that way any longer. Moxley wanted to ensure he fulfilled that date, an Oct. 30 Iowa Street Fight match against Jimmy Jacobs, for his friend Sami Callihan's Wrestling Revolver promotion. Sunday's match will feel like a culmination of events, like everything has started falling into place for Moxley. But the journey hasn't been easy and is just beginning. Moxley, 36, described his alcohol addiction as a "living hell," something that seeped into every part of his life. He resented coming to work, grew terrified of being a father and was deeply afraid of losing his life in the ring. For more than two years, the All Elite Wrestling (AEW) star said he drank alcohol almost daily, often to excess. Moxley tried to quit cold turkey on several occasions, but the withdrawals were unbearable with his schedule, and attempts to wean himself off weren't working, either. At the treatment center, Moxley said his withdrawal symptoms, with the help of medication, got better within two days. Without his phone and with no television, Moxley attended group therapy, did a lot of reading and took walks. He compared the experience to being in high school, a mental hospital and jail.Some days I wake up and I feel good and I almost feel like I'm cheating," Moxley said. "I don't have to chug water or sit in a sauna or take a bunch of aspirin? I feel like I've got a cheat code. That's still kind of like a novelty for me." That was when Paquette said she knew things had escalated with her husband's drinking to a no-longer-manageable degree. She talked to her father about the situation, then reached out to Kingston, AEW executive Megha Parekh and AEW president Tony Khan. Paquette said she mainly was met with surprise by those in AEW; few had noticed what was going on. Moxley wasn't exhibiting any significant warning signs, like getting into trouble while drunk or causing a commotion. To admit that he needed help -- that took more manhood than not doing it," Moxley's close friend and fellow AEW wrestler Eddie Kingston said. "To me, being vulnerable, it takes a real man to be that." Over time, he started not even wanting to go to wrestle. For someone who has dedicated his life to the art, who will have physical, bloody matches on shows of all sizes worldwide, that was a dire realization. Moxley said he didn't know whether he was performing well in his matches and segments -- and didn't care. When Paquette, a former WWE broadcaster and personality, told him she was pregnant in late 2020, Moxley figured it was time to curtail his alcohol intake.

At some point, Moxley said, his body became dependent on alcohol. He said he's not sure how much alcohol he consumed daily, but it was more than five drinks and "enough to kill a f---ing horse." Monday through Friday, host Pablo Torre brings you an inside look at the most interesting stories at ESPN, as told by the top reporters and insiders on the planet. Listen Moxley's health was visibly evident when he returned. For the first time in his career, his abs were noticeable. Paquette said he looked 10 years younger. Khan said he was "in the best shape of his life." Kingston jokes that Moxley is too skinny now. I don't want to tell anybody I'm going through this, because it's kind of embarrassing," Moxley said. "I got all these people counting on me for shows and pay-per-views and stuff. So I'm trying to deal with this just myself. Not put anybody else out or anything." I was like, 'Holy s---, I've been waiting for you to get home so I can like pass the baby off to you so I can go and do my thing,'" Paquette said. "And he had to go to sleep because he wasn't feeling well, his body was sore."Moxley, who wrestled on an independent show the night before, took a cab to the airport that morning. He was aware Southwest Airlines didn't serve alcohol on board during this time due to the pandemic, so he headed to a bar near his gate and "got loaded" before the flight home to Las Vegas. Two days later, Moxley called Paquette from a pay phone at the center. Paquette said everything was fine and that AEW fully supported him. Khan, though, wanted to know what the promotion should say about Moxley's absence. Moxley was scheduled for a match on AEW's upcoming television show and obviously would not be there. This new version of Moxley will go into Sunday against Tanahashi in a match born out of fate. Moxley had long taken inspiration from the Japanese star, as he'd become enamored with a match between Tanahashi and Minoru Suzuki in 2012. Moxley was heavily influenced by Tanahashi, a wrestling icon and eight-time IWGP heavyweight champion in Japan, due to his technical ability and signature flair inside the ring. Since leaving WWE, where he wrestled as Dean Ambrose, in 2019, Moxley has worked for both AEW and New Japan and has wanted to wrestle Tanahashi for so long that he thought it might never happen. Paquette didn't know how to broach the topic of rehab with Moxley directly. Kingston, she said, was a good sounding board. Khan said he was surprised when Paquette told him what was going on, but he was clear that AEW was behind Moxley and their family. Khan had to make "major" changes to his creative plans, but he said it was a small price to pay to get someone he considers a friend the help they need.