Hi, I'm Arabella Hille, author of the best-selling, Ultimate Guide Parenting series and Founder of Victorious Parenting. How the concept of “childhood” has been understood in different ways historically and why we must understand it anew today. These approaches] respond with something that either creates fear in them or isolates them. Because they're so desperate to have the connection restored, they will cease the behaviour. But it's a façade of control. Internally they're still quite unsettled and dysregulated. In the longer term, that can actually leave your child more prone to things like anxiety, depression and attention challenges.

In reality, discipline is about connecting with your children in their time of need. We provide that support through our connection with them, that calms and steadies and regulates them – and then we give some teaching about what we hope will be able to change about that reaction the next time around. Not that we expect [that it] actually will change! What don’t we get? Well, let’s take a good look at some of the most common retorts and remarks that will be offered up in response to any kind of suggestion around compassionate parenting, especially when it comes to discipline.

Discover a new connection-based approach to discipline

Whatever the cause, we got lost. We, as a dominant culture, are in a time of generally and utterly misunderstanding the needs of children, the form of child development, and the way this must play out in our leadership role as parents for our children to have a fulfilling shot at this thing called life. Of course, there are those that walk amongst the masses who have worked to maintain a conscious awareness and/or an intuitive understanding of children. But collectively, we don’t get it. The retort: That is exactly the same thing as helicopter parenting, and we all know that is bad for kids! Gain more positive energy to give to your child and the other loved ones in your life (including yourself). The retort: So you are trying to tell me that if my kid colors on all of my walls, I’m just supposed to love them and be all kind to them? You will also discover what blame culture is and how it relates to low self-esteem in children. Conversely, you will discover what success culture is and how to cultivate it.

The retort: If you molly coddle a child through every single tough time, how will that child every deal with tough times out in the big bad world? Disciplining Without Damage is not about trying to remain calm 24/7, being soft, or striving for perfection. Instead, it's about moving towards positive leadership and gaining the right tools to become an empowered parent who is in control without being controlling. The retort: My child is going to need to have this figured out as an adult, so they might as well figure it out now. The reality: Absolutely correct on the point that kids need to know who is in charge. However, is an adult who is holding a line very firmly but very kindly not in charge? And what is the difference in terms of the impact on child development between that kind of an adult, and an adult who holds the line firmly using fear tactics and brute force? The difference is enormous. Like life-altering enormous. Parents who hold lines with firmness AND kindness, are both showing the child the way of the world AND sculpting neural pathways that promote self-regulation. Parents who hold lines with loudness, anger, shouting, yelling, and brute force actually disregulate children further, potentially robbing them of the opportunity to become capable of self-regulation and disposing them to all sorts of vulnerabilities in terms of mental health challenges as life marches on. The parent who is both firm and kind is a parent who is operating from a place of power derived from relationship and emotional connection. The parent who is muscling their way through with fear and force is operating from a place of role-based power, derived only from their position as a big person. Apart from the problematic concept of the Hulk by itself, the author wants parents to "hulk it up" with "swagger," whatever that is supposed to mean. We are supposed to exude confidence as parents. We have all seen confident people and people who have this natural respectability and authority with children. If we were that type of person, we wouldn't be reading this book. But I don't think the author understands that *we can't just will ourselves to become more confident.* Confidence doesn't work that way.My major complaint - and it is major - is that TWICE in the book the author states that holding on to "a little" parental guilt is a good thing because this guilt will motivate you to push yourself to be the best parent you can be. The foundation of a healthy, effective approach to discipline that respects your child’s developmental needs… and works!

Master your emotions with my "What to do when you lose it" method. Plus, you'll receive bonus resources and additional support, equipping you to discipline without damage for every age. Parenting is tough but with the right tools it doesn’t have to be. Discover a natural way of encouraging good behavior that is both loving and effective. You deserve to feel empowered, in control and confident in your parenting.

About this book

I started to share this information with other parents and decided to reach out and help as many parents as I could.

Instead, it's about moving towards positive leadership and gaining the right tools to become an empowered individual who is in control without being controlling. My guide will help you across your child's whole childhood. The good news is, that this does not have to be your reality. In this chapter, you will become aware of what is going on behaviorally and how to avoid going off the edge with everyone else. This chapter will empower you to do something different in your parenting than the masses. You will learn the keys to cultivating a culture of success in your home so that you too can experience the peace and freedom you deserve in your home!Discover how to discipline successfully without losing control. Learn a natural way of encouraging good behavior that is both loving and effective. You deserve to feel empowered and confident in your parenting. As a practicing registered psychologist, advisor to various research programs and community agencies, and through her previous experiences with the BC Ministry for Child and Family Development and the school system, Dr. Vanessa has seen it all and has navigated hundreds of tough situations with families. Drawing on scientific research and a wealth of clinical experience, she shows you how to put out the fire without dampening your child’s spirits; how to correct their behaviour while emphasising connection; and how to discipline without damage. Disciplining Without Damage is not about trying to remain calm 24/7 or denying the range of emotions you experience, or letting your kids run wild.