Some people thought I should just let it go. I am no longer married and this is another way to help me move forward. I don’t need to hang onto the title, and it will help understand that I am no longer going to ever be that same person anymore. I am not new to death. My mom passed when I was young and that was something that changed my life and we moved .. Patricia or Patsy by her family has a marriage of convenience to Lord Greystone, she married a older gentleman that has money and power and Patricia now Lady Greystone and enjoys all the money and lifestyle it has to offer but she is content.

As a widow, just because I go away with friends for the weekend, it doesn’t mean that my sadness has gone away. Sometimes it visits even when uninvited. I just let those moments wash over me now and refocus on good thoughts of times I did have with my husband. It’s important to keep those happy memories close by for when you need to grab onto them. We dined for lunch in the Ratskeller but only had a choice of two meals. I would rather have found a better place to eat like the famous Hofbrau house that we did walk through on our tour – if I only knew then… For the amount of money we spent on this excursion, the meal should have been better. After lunch, we had free time, but since it was Sunday the stores were all closed. This is a law in Germany. Turns out it was a huge Pride festival with bands and DJs on every street, lots of people in rainbow colored outfits and just a big old party. Fun to witness as well. Day 8 – Nuremberg – Germany Today was one of the longest days at sea since we did not arrive in Vienna until 7:00 pm. The scenic river ride, meals and presentation on coffee and the coffee houses of Vienna kept us entertained.We enjoyed a great breakfast with options for omelets, eggs benedict, pancakes and French toast, assorted fruits, pastries and more on a buffet. We took the four hour included Panoramic Budapest bus tour first through the modern flat side of the city Pest and then across the Danube River to the hilly side called Buda. The bus stopped at the top of the Castle District so we could walk through Matthias Church and the Fisherman’s Bastion. We returned to the ship for lunch and then Pete and I took the excursion to Budapest Thermal Baths.

After Mike died, I attempted to heal myself by planning trips. Therapy through travel was my motto. The first Christmas I took my two sons on a one-week cruise. That turned out to be a good way to celebrate the holiday and avoid letting my grief sink me into despair. As I walk closer, I’m relieved to see that his eyes are open. I think, he must be OK. But as I touch his arm and feel that reassuring bicep muscle that always makes me feel safe, his skin is eerily cold. His eyes are open, but he isn’t there. Why is he not moving? My knees are shaking. My teeth begin to chatter. My heartbeat pounds in my ears. Where did the big bump on his head come from and why is there blood on his knees? This cannot be happening, I yell, “WAKE UP!” Anyway, I bring this up because this issue blindsided me this school year. For 29 years, I have worked in elementary schools and been referred to as Mrs. Divers. It is sort of who I am. I am a teacher. Viking is a brand we have heard over here in the states as a luxury river and ocean cruise line that caters to adults as the minimum age on board is 18 years old. This adult only business appealed to us as empty nesters and having experienced crowded pool areas filled with happy kids, was something I really looked forward to. Many cruises are available on European rivers, but this 15 Day Grand European Viking Tour seemed to have everything we wanted.I guess I’ve never that about this before since I don’t really know if I’ll ever get married. However, I think that if I do get married, I’ll definitely change my last name to my husband’s.

I’ve been fortunate and got to do things on my time line as far as grieving goes. It has been difficult at times and there are times when I still have waves of sadness over the loss of Mike and most recently the loss of my mom. I’ve learned that when those moments come, I let them wash over me. I appreciate the love and loss. And then I move forward, again. Mike started to get the travel bug after our Croatia trip and I was hopeful that seeing the world would be in our future. So I would like to dedicate this blog to Mike. I will recall memories of our life together and visit some new places. I will meet new people and continue to have adventures for both of us. Here are some places he would have loved to see, experiences he would have had and I hope people he would have loved to meet. Do you have time to spend with this animal? If you will not be around a lot, it is not really fair to bring in an animal to sit around all day waiting for you. How many hours are you away from home? Can you stop by during the day or arrange for someone else to? Do you like to travel, and will there be a place for your pet to go when you go away? Dennis walks out of the room and slowly nods to Carol and me. We all walk in together, the two of them supporting my elbows. I see my husband laying on the table. Mike is still barefoot and wearing the Old Navy swim shorts I gave him for his birthday. I recognize the light blue Salty Dog t-shirt we got on our last trip to visit my sister in Florida, and it is his face with the scruffy gray, been-vacationing-for-two-weeks-beard.When I was ready, I embraced my feelings. It took time, and honestly some therapy, but I did face my grief and trudged through the pain. I started doing things on my own, which was hard at first, but I am starting to be comfortable with my own company and I am amazed at the people I have met just being out and about. Whatever I was invited to, I said yes, but always drove myself so I could leave if/when I needed to.

This wasn’t too bad. I mentioned to our school secretaries that I prefer to stay Mrs. and the people I told were super nice and understanding. They thought I wanted the change because it made me sound younger. Does it? I thought that was what hair dye was for. Well, this can certainly be a touchy subject. Like most everything after the loss of a spouse, the decision on which name you would like to be referred to is an important choice for each woman. Don’t miss the third book in the heartwarming six-part series from the No.1 Sunday Times bestselling author Dilly Court!I loved my home but still had a very large mortgage, a son just starting college, four cars with loans and insurance fees and plenty of other monthly bills as well. Writing is a great way for me to tell my story and maybe help other widows know that they are not alone on this journey. Join me as I discover the potholes along the way of widowhood and the glimmers of hope toward a new but different life after loss. This question has been burning in my mind since August of 2015 when Mike died. Do I stay in our home, or do I move? The answer is different for all widows and much needs to be considered. Here is what I know. Would an over 55 community help you adjust to changes in your social life? You may feel uncomfortable with your old “couples” friends now and need support with new groups and activities.