Around 11:00 P.M., Robert became sleepy and went inside to go to bed, while Christen and Ted decided to stay in the hot tub. A friend of my husband’s was staying with us for a couple of days while he was in town for work. One of the mornings, after my husband had headed in to the office and the kids were off to school, I got out of the shower, threw on a bra and panties, and walked to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. I completely forgot he was staying with us.

I told her so, just as I told her that it would be way beyond what I can and am willing to accept. I do love her and am still in love with her, but her behaviour has hit me quite hard. She advised me to get into a relationship with her best friend – let’s call her Anita – saying we would be a perfect match. Next, you lay down some boundaries with L. You tell her, “Hey, I don’t know what was up with the other night, but that made me really uncomfortable. I like you, but you’re married to J and the way you were acting made me feel awkward around both of you. I don’t appreciate being teased and I don’t want to end up being part of a problem between the two of you.” It’s not news to you in any way that your opinion of yourself is pretty low, and I’m sure you have your reasons for that, but the barrel you’re staring down has the potential to make it even lower. And finally, KMKY, kink might have something to do with why this woman hasn't opened up to you about other parts of her life. Some kinky people prefer play partners who don't know the mundane details of their everyday lives — for some, being known only as a Dom or a sub or an AB or an LG or a no recip oral cum dump latex gimp makes it easier to step into their fantasy role. If that's the case with this woman, KMKY, knowing you know what you know about her — and learning how you came to know it — might wind up disqualifying you as a friend and ruining you as a play partner. And that, of course, is a terrible idea. So I guess my question is, if I find myself in a situation with her that is heading for a place I know is wrong, but every cell in my body demands I go with it, how do I generate the willpower to say no? Greater men than I fail at this all the time. Thank you, DiscombobulatedI know that my marriage won’t recover. We are on good terms and I would hate our relationship to become grim. I fear that my frustrations on knowing that my love for my wife is hopeless will make our life together eventually unbearable. You may never be the person that you want to be, you won’t ever cure every fault that you perceive in yourself, but you can make moves toward feeling better about yourself and maybe even one day be completely okay with who you are. You have an opportunity here to take a massive stride toward that – so be the man you want to be. Speak to her honestly about her behaviour, get to the bottom of it if you have to and she wants to, but do not lay a hand on her. You won’t be ‘missing out’ on anything. If she is interested in you then I guarantee that there are other, unattached, babes out there who will feel the same about you. What matters now are your children, first and foremost, and dealing with ending this relationship safely and sanely for all of you. Because, by your own words, it is past saving. Let’s game this out a little so you understand where I’m coming from here. You hook up with her. In all likelihood, she does not have an arrangement with her husband for a little off-leash time which means that she’s just cheated on her husband with you.

I feel desperate for our children. I do not know what to think or do concerning Anita. She is a beautiful woman whom I have known since I met my wife. I have never thought romantically about her. Would it be wise to talk about it with her? Then there’s the fact that you have overlapping social circles. This is the sort of gossip that shoots through like wildfire and people will have very strong opinions about who was in the right and who was in the wrong. You will more than likely find a whole bunch of your friends do not appreciate you being instrumental in damage to L and J’s relationship. It is sad, but understandable, when people to fall out of love with one another, but it is not fine for them to treat their partners badly and offer to set them up – pimp them, almost! – with other people. If the thought of your wife cheating turned you on, HOTWATER, you might be able to make this work. And perhaps it does turn you on. You said you were excited when your wife first confessed what she'd done in that hot tub with your best friend, but things went south during the foursome you had to "even the score." Maybe you don't want the score to be even? If the thought of a "deeply unfair" one-sided open relationship turns you on — if the thought of getting to come in your wife's mouth, say, one time for every 10 times your best friend gets to come in her mouth — then you should think about sharing that information with your wife. It could be the start of something big — it could be the start of an invigorating sexual adventure — or it could be the beginning of the end.

Husband’s Friend

The saying goes “Behind every great man is a woman.” But for Kelly Stark, it’s more like “Behind every great woman’s X-rated snaps is a man.” Now let’s say that through all of this, L and J manage to pull through L’s infidelity and make things work. One of the things that would almost certainly be part of their reconciliation is ensuring that she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. That means never seeing you again… which in turn would likely mean you being exiled from the social circles where they are fairly prominent. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong about your negative points or try to bullshit you into feeling better about yourself; but I can pretty much guarantee that you don’t have perspective on what others like about you – your positive attributes – and I have proof:

And, says Lovett, “if the relationship is over, where is the opportunity to just sit with that and be sad about it without having your life planned out?” Dear Dan: My wife got drunk at a vacation house we rented with a bunch of friends and cheated on me with my best friend in the hot tub. They didn't have sex but they did other things. I wasn't there, but there were eight other people in the hot tub and the jets were on, so no one else saw what was going on "under the water." My wife told me about it afterward and I was hurt but also kind of excited. She proposed we "even the score" by asking my friend and his wife to have a foursome. They agreed but the experience was miserable. My wife and my friend were very into each other and my friend's wife was willing, but I was having a hard time enjoying myself with a woman I had no interest in while my wife did things for my best friend that she would never do for me. She let him come in her mouth, which is something she never lets me do, and she did it right in front of me. Now she says she will do that for me but only if she can keep doing it for him. This seems deeply unfair. We have kids and I don't want to get divorced, but I'm concerned that I'm going to keep getting hurt if I stay. What can I do? I need ... If and when this comes to light, then you will have seriously hurt J, someone who trusts you and who has been a friend to you. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do to somebody you think is a great guy.I told him I was so sorry and that I forgot he was there. He apologized for staring but admitted it had been a while. I pointed to his crotch and told him thanks for the compliment. He blushed and apologized again.

L had mentioned several times that she thought I was good looking, often loudly to friends and complete strangers alike. She even told me once that if she had met me before J, things may have gone differently. I always just thought she was just saying stuff like that to try to boost of my self-esteem. So anyway I met “L” a few years ago and we became close friends. Smart, funny, sweet, kind and beautiful. She also has a fiancé, “J”, who’s a pretty great guy and I regularly hang out with both of them. (You can see where this is going, right?) I realise what you want is incredibly powerful, especially when it drops into your lap and starts to wriggle. In other circumstances, I’d tell you to go for it. And who knows, maybe in the future circumstances will be different. But right now, if you did give in, you’d regret it far more than you’d enjoy it. Trust me: I have been there, done that and printed the t-shirts.You sound intelligent and caring, but your low self esteem will sabotage your better nature if you let it. Now in general, I don’t believe that sex necessarily ruins a friendship, but in this case, we’re talking about consequences that go beyond just the two of you. Hey Discombobulated, I really hope you’re reading this because I am on the other (shitty) side of a rather similar situation to what you just described, and I promise you that it’s not worth it. Take the following as what I wish someone had told me a while ago: