Even by his own proposed model and evidence, it is the ignoring of women’s actual concerns and complaints that causes the problem psychology that Glover is trying to fix. The way he has formulated this, causally all human beings ( every boy…and, take note, every girl) should be exhibiting Glover’s Nice Guy Syndrome. You should see yourself as part of a team of equals; you both lead and follow, you both provide for and protect each other. Spending extended periods of time alone also helps recovering Nice Guys face there number one fear – Loneliness and isolation.

If I were to identify one common factor at the core of every problem experienced by Nice Guys, it would be fear. Vagiphobia is a syndrome where the penis tries to stay out of vaginas or gets out quickly once it gets in. I’ll add the point that, IMO, basic CBT should be a standardized required subject in all high schools. I am not sure it is an asset or a defect that his dubious causal model amounts to saying that Nice Guys are acting like children, that they have not grown up and don’t know what it means to act like an adult. Glover likewise repeatedly asserts a vague gender essentialism, that boys will be boys and are born a certain way that women are keeping them from, which is as unscientific as it gets.Recovering Nice Guys can begin to accept these men for who they were and are – wounded human beings.

but rather as mutual negotiation and cooperation for a common good, with someone entirely your equal, and not as a program to please or rescue someone.An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes them unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side. And he even makes reference to the fallacy of black and white thinking (without naming it), pointing out that a major problem trapping men in the Nice Guy Paradigm is their inability to comprehend any other way of being than either Nice or Not-Nice. In my experience, this is probably the most difficult concept for Nice Guys to understand and accept about themselves.

Because one of the trap-beliefs of toxic masculinity is that any challenge to it is an effort to emasculate, and is therefore rejected. The founder of Fear Busters, Jeffers’s book is a readable and powerful prescription for facing and overcoming fear. There is, I am certain, a lot of real science backing the general advice: stop pretending to be someone you are not; fix what is genuinely wrong with you (and stop caring about what you merely have been led to believe is wrong with you); work to become the sort of person you like and admire and want to be around; be honest in your relationships; and don’t treat relationships like a vending machine (“do x, and get y.Toxic shame is not just a belief that one does bad things, it is a deeply held core belief that one is bad.