Though many people would pretend they don’t like dirty jokes or they don’t understand them, but deep down we all know that everyone enjoys receiving a slightly naughty message or laughing at a well-told dirty minded joke.

You put your hands on me the first thing in the morning. You always play with me in bed before you get to sleep. I mostly live in your pants and I am always in your mind, you cannot live without me. What am I?

How can you tell the difference between ‘Aaah’ and ‘ooooh’? Well, the difference is about three inches.

During a Sunday school session, a Sunday school teacher asked kids if they knew how God takes people. One kid stood up and said ‘God takes people by the feet.’ The teacher inquired for an explanation and the kid said that she walked in on her parents and found her mother’s legs lifted up in the air while screaming ‘God I’m coming’ No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.” My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.” – Jimmy Carr (Photo: BBC) People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.” – Victoria Wood I come in different sizes, shapes and colors. I occasionally drip. It can sometimes feel good when I am blown and sometimes, it can be painful. What am I?I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary Delaney An elderly couple was attending a church service. The lady turned towards her husband and said ‘‘I just let out a really long silent fart. What should I do?’’ The man smiled and said to her ‘‘honey, your hearing aid needs a battery replacement.’’ Yesterday I was so horny I climbed up on a tree and yelled: “I want a woman!” As I kept on yelling “I want a woman!”, lots of women came. I think I’ve discovered a secret on how to attract women. How To Increase Chances You Get Laid

What is the best woman scare nightmare? An attractive naked man eating yogurt, a sexy private tutor who assembles a Rubik’s cube, and a smiling Roman soldier ready for various sexual pleasures. And all these men are standing next to her husband, who has a piece of toilet paper constantly clinging to his shoe and who hasn’t had sex in 100 years.

Hilariously Smooth Pick Up Lines

If they’re making cakes for divorces, why not ‘Happy Menopause!’ ‘Mmm, it’s a bit dry. Why is there no jam? Have you run out of eggs?’ – Russell Howard A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on, the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”