Whatever the hell you want. He can’t hear you. 18. I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come… Julie was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. The Santa at the shopping mall was quite surprised when he saw Martha, a woman in her mid-twenties, asking to sit on his lap. We all know Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled at him very nicely, and he ended up asking her what she wanted for Christmas. We know that the vast majority of our parcels are delivered on time and in perfect condition. However, we also understand, regrettably, that this will never always be the case with any delivery company.

Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left. 19. Why does Santa go to strip clubs? The delivery service used for this option is Royal Mail Special Delivery which is currently guaranteed by Royal Mail for delivery before 4PM. The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her breasts and says, “Santa, are you sure there’s no gift you’d like to leave?” Christmas is that magical time of year when you can embrace the ‘more is more’ decorating ethos and go all out with unique Christmas decorations for the home. When deciding how to decorate your home for Christmas there are many festive decorating themes and styles to choose from.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she’d been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled. My friend just won the tallest Christmas tree competition. I thought to myself, ‘How can you top that?’ Christmas is so stupid…Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.” Tree-mendously Hilarious Savage Christmas Jokes Our offices are closed weekends and public holidays but we will respond to you the following working day. Your Statutory Rights When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Working days for despatch are Monday to Friday only and excludes Saturdays, Sundays and all UK public holidays. Never content to do what is ordinary, we’ve curated a bauble and Christmas tree decoration collection that will make your Christmas Tree stand out from the crowd. Choose from your favourite Icon Christmas Decorations, such as the Queen Decoration or Harry Inspired Tree Bauble, or opt for down-right quirky tree decorations such as our Pink Croc Shoe Tree Decoration or Mushroom Tree Ornament. Bill stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. That’s what Mrs. Claus calls it… 22. Say your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas… Dad jokes, they’re cheeky and cheesy and can bring as many frowns as they do smiles, but they bring joy to a lot of people and are a Christmas tradition for many families. If you’re looking for some new material this year, then we’ve got it covered.They were both made for kids but dads can’t help playing with them. 29. How do snowmen make babies? He could see the snowblower coming down the street. 3. What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?

Whilst we do everything we can to deliver goods to you that are perfect and exactly what you want, we do appreciate that this may occasionally not happen, or you may change your mind. A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee. The doctor asked him. “Have you tried icing it?” You can slam your laptop shut when your girlfriend walks into the room and you don’t get any disgusted looks. Choose from unique bar trolleys, such as the Disco Ball Drinks Trolley, glittering glassware, hanging decorations, fairy lights and quirky ornaments to make your New Years’ or Christmas Party one to remember. Whether you fancy dressing your mantlepieces and staircases in glitter garlands or hanging gold foil pinwheel decorations from the ceilings, these unique Christmas tree decorations ideas are bang on trend for Christmas 2023.

You do a bunch of work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit. 26. So my girlfriend wanted a white Christmas… She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said to the youth, “My Grandpa will settle the bill.” The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, “This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per meter.”