My Darkest Hour and Brighter Days to Come” wasn’t an easy chapter to read. My heart broke, but it was clear to see how we can go from being “ok” to not and this really resonated with me. We could also ask whether they need our help in a slightly different way. This doesn’t always feel as invasive as the other questions, which could be good when talking to certain people. It was at that point that I looked up and realized that her pole wasn’t bent at all, which it would have been if there were a fish on the line. I realized what had happened when my eyes made it to the tip of her pole. There was her hook and little sinker right at the top. She hadn’t caught a fish at all. She felt all the tension because she had reached the end of her line.

Painful. Difficult. Confronting. Hopeful. Optimistic. Promising. Empowering. This is all things in spades and a must-read for everyone. Books like these, potential lifesavers. That's what counts. Is there anything you need from me” is a great way to let someone know that you care and that you’re happy to help. Sometimes, asking things about their feelings might be a little too personal. If you’re not on that level, this question is a better way to help them out.

This requires two things: a space to speak and say what is really going on and to have a good hearing. It can be surprisingly hard to find a good listener, especially during a pandemic. Whatever you’re going through, I’m happy to help. You should never have to fight something like this alone. Perhaps you could say to your friends: “I’m not at all ok. How about you?” You could get together on a call and suggest you all have a complaint session for five minutes each. Give room to discuss it and even play it up, rather than clamp down and try and be fine. Alternatively, suggest you have a zoom dinner and deliberately not mention anything pandemic related. It will be a challenge!

Okay, I know this is going to seem rather churlish, but this book is just terrible. It is a very important subject, but the majority of it it just lists of things the author likes with the flimsy justification that everything in life can affect your mental health, so these are the things that shaped the author as a person. I am a big fan of Stacey Dooley and have watched many of her documentaries on BBC3. I think she has a real talent at creating a comfortable environment for people to talk about themselves. She's a great active listener and isn't afraid to ask important questions. None of us get through life unscathed. Sean, a psychiatrist Stacey spoke to, is helping to destigmatise mental illness. No one is immune to mental health issues, Sean says. ‘But if enough wrong things happen that exceed someone’s ability to cope, no matter how privileged they are, they will get ill’ While that knowledge is somewhat terrifying, it’s also comforting because it removes blame from the person with the illness. We might just want to rephrase “are you okay” to something more useful to us. If we know that someone is dealing with issues, “are you okay” doesn’t always get the best answer, and we can do more to help. While there are statistics (and some confronting ones at that) and information about potential advances in the future for treating specific mental illnesses, where this book shines is the human element. Stacey interviewed young people living with diagnosed mental illnesses and gave them the opportunity to tell their stories. While she never claims to be an expert herself, Stacey spoke with professionals who treat mental illnesses, some of whom have lived experience.There are plenty of ways we can ask, “are you okay” without using the phrase. Most of it comes down to what kind of answer you expect someone to give. Here are the best options to choose from: How are you feeling” is a much better way to gather some more emotional answers from someone. It works better than “are you okay” because it does not expect a simple “yes” or “no” answer. We instead look for somebody to explain their feelings and thoughts to us. To be human is to have a line that is finite. There is a limit to every one of our abilities, and there is only so much we can take. This is as true mentally and emotionally as it is physically and spiritually. Maybe, like Daisy, you’re feeling that no matter how much you spin your wheels, you just aren’t gaining traction. So you struggle with stress and worry, anxiousness or dread. The answer isn’t to just try harder. Muscle can’t win this battle. This book was a combination of self help and autobiography. Overall I liked Roman's gentle, humble, friendly and honest approach. He doesn't sugar coat and he is pretty explicit about his struggles. I only wish he was a little bolder about his opinions - at some points it feels like he is apologising for himself or preempting people saying negative things, which I don't think he needs to do. At times it felt like he was searching for things to say, for example coming up with a fantasy football league and going into the credentials of various players. But his story was reasonably interesting and of course, as an educational tool the book achieved its purpose in warning and teaching about suicide and the importance of mental health. There were quite a few errors in the writing, I'm not sure if this is an editing or a writing issue?

the biases that lead to scientific information being presented as a challenge—rather than a complement—to Christianity How are you feeling? You haven’t eaten much since you sat down, and I can tell that something is bothering you. I want you to know that I love you, and I’ll do anything you need from me to help you get through this. Hope and understanding, comes in conversations with groups of mates, who like Roman, find themselves trying to come to terms with missing a friend and the endless questions around what happened, and why.

What Can I Ask Instead Of “Are You Okay”?

I really appreciate his honest in every area but particularly about his upbringing. He’s aware that he’s had a privileged life that not everyone has and I really like how he’s been honest about the positives and negatives of that fact, without sounding spoilt or patronising. It’s a nice balance. Sharing that they were as close as brothers and had experienced so many special times together, Roman wants to understand how it reached the point where Joe felt that death by suicide was the only option. Jonathan Pokluda, bestselling author of Welcome to Adulting and pastor of Harris Creek Baptist Church

Whilst I’ve seen Roman in programmes such as DNA Journey and the documentary he did on mental health and suicide, I don’t listen to Capital Radio and so that side of his story was interesting to me. And I know of his parents and enjoyed their music but they were necessarily a family I followed (figuratively of course), but it was a real eye opener learning about them as people rather than just their names. The worst sections of the book could be considered insulting to those of us who've suffered with mental ill health. In the section on money, Roman readily admits he could come across as a "privileged arsehole". He then goes on to prove himself right by stating in the section on the royal family "the Royals endure all of the same human hardships the rest of us do". I've never met a Royal (Rowan has) and I don't have any reason to doubt that it is his honest opinion that they're good people, but to make the aforementioned statement, it's just objectively not true. This is the point at which I gave up on the book because he is clearly not thinking in much depth about how this might land with ordinary folk. Even in the case of loss which Roman discusses in this section it does not have as great an impact on those in positions of wealth and power such as the royals for the simple reason of them having functionally unlimited funds with which to procure themselves the best psychological support there is. In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing. You’ll learn to… Finally, let’s look at another statement we can make. Again, it works well when you’re not overly familiar with a person, and you don’t know the exact extent of their pains or worries. Another great question is “what’s on your mind.” As above, we can use it to provoke a decent response from somebody that isn’t just a simple “yes” or “no” answer.

Elisabeth Shaw is CEO of Relationships Australia NSW and a clinical and counselling psychologist specialising in couple and family work. I've been fortunate enough to meet many remarkable people over the last decade of making documentaries - sometimes in incredibly hostile environments, where they ' ve been really up against it - and I ' ve seen the devastating effect that poverty, trauma, violence, abuse, stigma, stress, prejudice and discrimination can have on people ' s mental health. It has always been the common thread. Is there anything I can do to help” works when we want to ask whether we can be of assistance. It doesn’t pry into their personal issues, which is great if they’re not comfortable sharing them with us. Still, we can always be of service to someone.