All the adults involved with the child need to have a clear understanding of the child’s difficulties The book is billed as "a new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated, chronically inflexible children". I don't know if it's new - it seemed logical and simple enough, but I think the author's presentation is so clear that you will benefit from the book even if you are already trying to solve problems with your child collaboratively. A few reviewers seemed to feel that the author was negative, but I completely disagree. I thought he was extraordinarily understanding toward children and parents. His starting premise is that children will do well if they can. Sometimes, it is hard to keep that in mind, or to believe it, when a child "explodes" frequently. It is hard not to feel the child is being manipulative or something like that, but the author works hard to remind you that it is more complicated than that, and that is a good thing, because it makes his approach possible. The method is simple, in a way, but it is systematic and requires work. The author does not split hairs trying to define what an explosive child is, but there are a large number of transcripts that show them in action. You do not need a diagnosis to get started. As a matter of fact, I liked the way he downplayed the importance and value of a diagnosis almost entirely. Teaching these skills takes less time than not teaching them. Some children automatically and inaccurately interpret their experiences and the intentions as ‘It’s not fair”, “You always blame me!”, ‘Nobody likes me,” “I’m stupid’. These interpretations can cause spontaneous combustion if unchallenged. See p 199–204 for samples of discussions with a child to disconfirm the above beliefs. Help child to look at exceptions through questioning.

What message is given to the explosive child if the strategies that are applied are not working? The child becomes more alienated. He won’t cooperate — if you’re talking about the true meaning of the word cooperate — “to collaborate, to come together’ — then it may be that the child has not been given a chance to do this. Plan B: This plan involves solving a problem collaboratively. You realize that if your child is having difficulty meeting expectations, something must be getting in his way. You also recognize that you’re the one who figures out what’s getting in the way, and that your child is your best source of information. You work together to solve her problems. Some triggers: waking up, getting out of bed, getting ready for school, sensory hypersensitivity, homework, getting ready for bed, boredom, shifting from one activity to another, sibling interactions, being hungry, just before dinner, food choices / quantity, clothing choices, sudden change of plans, taking medication This book takes a different perspective to inflexible-explosive children - children who do not respond to behavioral modification programs (like traditional rewards and punishments) because they do not have the flexibility to change their behavior once they degrade or meltdown in the face of unexpected circumstances. These children have great difficulties because they often cannot foresee a problem before it happens - even if it has happened regularly before and their parents think it is plain as day.Not only does this sequence break through the parent-child clash, it also models the problem-solving that the child will need to employ when trying to solve a problem or navigate an impasse themselves. I was persuaded and indeed touched by two of Greene's key premises: 1) that a child manifests a behavior problem when their skill set does not yet meet the demands set on them in that moment, and 2) that a child will rise to the occasion if they can rise to the occasion. Explosive behaviors, to resort to the titular language that I'm uncomfortable with but don't have an easy alternative to, are not about permissive parents or willful children, but rather about a gap between the situation at hand and the child's current emotional/social skill set. For some children, switching mindsets (from play time to dinner time or what have you) is overwhelming. To reflect with them on how those situations could be made easier is to improve your family dynamics and to strengthen their skills at the same time. It is possible that in a smaller family a parent would have this much time to devote to every episode but in a family with 4 children it took about 4 days before I got tired of the script and that was that. In spite of the book's insistence that kids don't manipulate, I was clearly being manipulated away from my other activities at every opportunity to negotiate how I could accommodate the whims of a 5-year old. Because of policies of inclusion, typical classrooms have a range of students with both behavioural and cognitive special needs. My "child" is heading off to college, and because I read this book when she was young, I have loved being a mother all these years. Otherwise I think it would have been one big fight trying to mold her into what she was "supposed" to be instead enjoying who she is. Thank you Ross Greene.

Challenging behavior occurs when the demands being placed upon a child outstrip the skills he has to respond adaptively to those demands.” Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS). This involves engaging the child in a discussion in which the problem or unmet expectations are resolved in a mutually satisfactory manner.

Parenting Plans: From Bad to Good

I know what you're thinking. "Really? Four whole days? It's a Christmas miracle." If I were there in front of you, I'd reply, "These are the first 4 days that have even teetered on the brink of replicating normal parent-child interactions that I have experienced in 3 years. Asshole."

You’re feeling as if you’re not very good at Plan B yet, so you’re still using a lot of Plan A instead. Remember empathy (not ‘no’) is the first step of Plan B. The vast majority of solutions to problems encountered by human beings fall into one of these three general categories: (1) ask for help; (2) meet halfway/give a little; and (3) do it a different way. In this book – originally published in 2008 and now available in a revised second edition -- Dr. Greene extends the CPS model to schools, where obsolete and counterproductive strategies such as detention, expulsion, expulsion, and paddling are still way too common. This book and the CPS model have transformed discipline in countless schools, and if yours hasn’t been one of them…well, there’s no time like the present. The reality is that children and adults will disagree with each other, and children will have difficulty meeting some parental expectations. But conflict does not have to result from those disagreements. Parents and children can work together to jointly solve the problems that affect their lives. Obviously it's not always that neat. But I've found that just starting with "What's up?" makes a world of difference. And if you learn their triggers. i.e. hunger, tiredness, math. You can sometimes head them off at the pass.

Parents who want a few strategies (rather than dozens of unrelated tips) to help their explosive child would likely enjoy The Explosive Child. Who would not enjoy this book?

We are in the midst of a societal and public health crisis. We are losing our most vulnerable kids, largely due to perspectives that are outdated and counterproductive, and disciplinary practices that are punitive and exclusionary. Explosive behavior reflects a developmental delay — a learning disability in the skills of flexibility and frustration tolerance.When tired or agitated we all have more trouble handling more frustration. "But these kids are in a bad mood a lot, so they have trouble handling frustration and solving problems a lot, too." Drop the expectation for now to avoid an explosion. This doesn’t mean you ‘give in’. It would be giving in if you started with Plan A and then went to Plan C. The idea of using Plan C is to be proactive and to prevent an explosion. If you predict that a particular trigger will lead to an explosion, you are being realistic and can focus on the bigger stuff. A groundbreaking approach to understanding and parenting children who frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other intractable behaviours, from a distinguished clinician and pioneer in this field. The key is to find explanations and interventions that are well matched to the individual and their family. Some of what you will read below may be contrary to the way you’ve always thought about parenting. But if you feel that raising your explosive child isn’t going well, the following 10 tips may be a life-changer.