Understanding what the Dom/sub dynamic is, how it functions, and how to negotiate around it in your own relationship(s) is key to creating the kinky sex life of your dreams. It is the base layer. It is the fundamental configuration of role play. Fetishists tend to require the object of their attraction at hand to become sexually aroused. 'Kinky sex involves something that you enjoy adding to your experiences, as opposed to a fetish, which suggests you are dependent on that idea/experience for your sexual arousal and enjoyment and cannot experience sexual satisfaction without it,' says Sheppard. D/s dynamics will play out in every kinky scenario, because it is the core of the practice. But how it shows up is another story. This is one of the things that makes kink so appealing. You can completely customize an experience to cater to your specific interests. Flogging: Using a device, such as a whip or flogger, to hit someone’s body to create arousal. Oftentimes, it is used as punishment. Dominance & Submission

If you’re looking for a flogger that works well for beginners and pros alike, suede floggers are the best choice. They leave an erotic and sensual feel while producing a sound that’s sure to awaken your senses. Closing: The Importance of Aftercare When approaching your partner about trying out bondage, you don’t need to be coy or apologetic about it. Simply start off by telling your partner you think bondage is interesting and that you’d be curious to try it with them specifically, says Brame. If they haven’t explored this type of play in the past, they might have some questions. So after stating your interest, spend some time researching bondage together, so you can tailor the details of your sexperimentation to your mutual desires, Brame suggests. To engage in safe and healthy bondage sex, all parties should discuss and negotiate each other’s boundaries and roles and note any activities that are off-limits. All participants should give mutual consent on what each finds comfortable and confident experimenting during the session. Agree on a safeword A classic D/s bondage scene: The Dom acts as a master over the submissive. This usually entails punishment, sensory play, etc. Think: 50 Shades of Gray, but not shit.Generally, newcomers to kink and BDSM are recommended to use the traffic light system as it’s easier to remember, Frye-Nekrasova adds. Acronyms can aid in navigating consent, too. Ahead, find everything you need to know if you’re thinking about trying your hand at BDSM so that the sexual encounter will leave you pleasured and empowered. As it should. What is BDSM? If all of this is well-received, and you feel comfortable doing so, why not couple it with some dirty talk, such as, “Who’s been a bad girl/boy?” or “Do you like it when I spank you?” How to Intensify Spanking & Flogging During Play Time

Pascoal, P. M., et al.(2015). Sexual satisfaction and distress in sexual functioning in a sample of the BDSM community: A comparison study between BDSM and non-BDSM contexts [Abstract]. If you already have experience with BDSM and your partner does not, remember to meet them where they are and start at a slower pace. Wright suggests taking 101 workshops together or reading books about it and discussing it later. And before you get around to putting your knowledge to practice, make sure your partner is clear on the importance of consent and boundaries. Before getting started, let’s talk safety.Hate to state the obvious, but it’s not kosher to whip out some rope mid-way through romping and expect your partner(s) to be game. Instead, you need to talk about it with them ahead of time—ideally, outside of the bedroom—so you can negotiate boundaries, interests, and more. A lot of people that engage in kink actually find they are dominant in their everyday lives, while in scenes they prefer to take a submissive role and give their dominant side a rest,” says Frye-Nekrasova. Shibari is not inherently sexual,” explains Sydona, a Shibari artist and instructor; some people use it as a form of meditation or as a tool to feel intimate with a partner. However, Shibari can be sexual if you so choose. You can tie your partner up, and the two of you can go at it for hours in various positions. This piece is focused on all the fun, kinky sex you can have when either you or your partner is bound. There’s a world of dildos, vibrators, butt plugs and more to explore, with an ever-expanding list of things you can add to your toy chest – have fun shopping around with your partner to see what they like too. Watch porn together

I think there is a collective delusion that all BDSMers share the same feelings and goals, but we don’t,” says Brame. “I prefer to use the term ‘kinky’ because there’s actually a lot more to BDSM than just bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism. For example, fetishism, leather, and poly are their own thing, but often get put under the BDSM label.” What are some common BDSM activities?The term fetish is often used interchangeably with kink to refer to any sexual activity that falls outside the mainstream appetite. But fetish is actually a subset of kinky sex, and technically refers to the fixation of an inanimate object that’s not typically sexual such as body parts - notably feet! If you’re curious but a bit tentative, try starting off with some light spanking and hair pulling. Oil up

If both you and your sexual cohort are overcome with lust, then it can be easier to work out what to do to get jiggy and enjoy rough sex. But if you're not in the zone yet, foreplay is an obvious place to start: ❤️ Try mutual masturbation Jess O’Reilly, PhD, is a sexologist, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast, and author of The New Sex Bible. Even in a post- Fifty Shades world, there's no shame in being new to BDSM. And while investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner or partners, and consensual power exchange, not capitalism. "BDSM doesn’t require any money," kink-friendly sex therapist Michael Aaron tells Allure. "Much of it is psychological, and if you are looking for impact play, many people feel like no toy beats their hands anyway, and that’s free. Likewise, various household items such as rope and clothespins can be used in scenes, and they hardly cost anything at all." (A "scene" is how people commonly refer to a period in which the kinky play goes down.) From safely restraining your partner to experimenting with role-play, here are eight ways you can explore BDSM with your partner tonight. 1. Talk through your interests and boundaries. Subspace has been described as similar to a deep meditative state — which research shows can feel incredibly therapeutic and has lots of psychological benefits. But because this meditative state in kink can be highly emotive, we need to take post-play into consideration. You need to take some time to "come down" from the scene. The number one rule for tying safely is to ALWAYS have safety shears within reaching distance,” Sydona says. “The second is to be able to communicate to your partner well, both as both a top [person doing the tying] and bottom [person being tied]. Being able to communicate explicitly and coherently before, during, and after a session is what keeps it as safe and enjoyable as possible.”So, instead of offering hardcore BDSM tips that may make the more vanilla solo or couple feel completely out of their depth, we have a few cheeky suggestions that’ll add only a sprinkle of spice to an already-piping hot sex life. Bondage and discipline: The BD in BDSM stands for bondage and discipline. Bondage is a form of sex play that focuses on restraint. Having another person control your pleasure is central here, and it can involve props such as handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, or a range of restraints. If you’re more advanced when it comes to BDSM and impact play, flogging can definitely be an erotic addition to play time. A 2021 systematic review notes that BDSM interactions are complex, and several psychological, social, and biological processes can influence this sexual behavior.