For example, an Ohio State University study shows that "By the time [a] baby reaches nine months, the women had picked up an average of 37 hours of childcare and housework per week, while the men did 24 hours, even as both parents clocked the same number of hours at work. After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. Experts repeatedly told us that when you have a baby, you and your mate have a brand-new relationship—meaning everything is up for renegotiation. This, combined with a lack of sleep, a suddenly unfair division of household chores and her husband’s new found passion for very long bike rides, meant that Jancee found it hard to look at her well-meaning, clever, funny husband playing with his iPhone without feeling a white-hot rage.

She and her husband now use an “everyone sort of wins” approach to their weekends, where each parent gets a half-day to be off-duty. But with time, sleep and some improved communication about each other’s needs, we fell into a more balanced groove, adapting to our new roles as cleanup crew (me) and line cook (him) for our son, now a curly-haired tornado of a toddler.

Voicing your gratitude takes almost no effort, and to my mind, it’s nearly impossible to thank someone too often. Clarity reduces the potential for misunderstandings and frustration and helps their husbands understand how they can best support them. Trust me, the usual hollering and retorting, although effective, might do your marriage more harm than good.

They learned techniques such as “mirroring,” when the person echoes what the other person just said, and paraphrasing the gist of their complaint. I stumbled across a recent SELF article which put numbers to this issue in a way I felt hit home: a 2015 study that looked at 182 heterosexual first-time parent partnerships found that women picked up an average of 37 hours of childcare and household-related work each week. This book can help preserve the greatest gift you will ever give your baby: a loving relationship between the baby's parents. Equal parts romp and eye-opener, as [Dunn] tackles relationship self-help from every angle and through many experts and therapists.You’re both reeling from zigzagging hormones, deranged from sleep deprivation, and dazed by the bizarre amount of laundry that one tiny being can generate. I’ve also noticed that most of the “support” offered to moms comes in the form of unsolicited advice instead of proper mental health support. How To Not Hate Your Husband After Kids is extremely helpful, and even comforting, if for no other reason than you realize that many couples are confronting the same programming and conflicts you are—and have managed to fight their way clear. And I also discovered what truly matters to me in the long term: to be mindful and learn to manage the distraction from the immediacy of everyday activities.