But then, like I said, I read that first paragraph, and I realized it wasn't like that at all. This is learning to let go of the unnecessary shame we carry around that says we don't measure up. It doesn't mean we can't strive to become better. In fact, I think if we can let go of the shame by embracing our imperfections, we will actually become better faster. We will become more courageous. More compassionate. More connected. I really like Brene Brown--she gave a terrific and funny TED talk about her research concerning the importance of vulnerability, of imperfection, of failure, and so I read her book. I think her thesis is superb, her research about shame and wholeheartedness really interesting, and the message of the book necessary to modern life. But! I can't help it. I hoped for a little more "perfectionism" in the writing (and structuring! of the book as a whole) which could have used another round or two of editing. (I'm sorry, Brene! Old habits die hard.) STILL, it is an important idea and worth reading. You may have noticed a theme in my last couple posts. I'm rundown, overwhelmed and I realize that, while my priorities are right in my head, they aren't in reality. So the book I'm reviewing today really came at a perfect time in my own personal crisis. In fact, as I was reading along yesterday (yes, I totally procrastinated reading it due to other books taking up my precious little reading time) I thought to myself, "This book could be companion material for President Uchtdorf's talk at conference!" (I'm making President Uchtdorf's talk my personal touchstone until I really get it, by the way.)(Because I really don't get it yet.) It's probably one of the most self aggrandizing and vapid pop psychology books I 've ever read. There's really nothing here that you won't find in other books of the genre much better expressed and explained, a lot of times from the actual originators of these ideas that she takes credit for here with her phantom research. She does a mess with them btw, mixing concepts up and treating everything superficially.

I read this book after watching Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work. The talk was intriguing and I wanted to know more. Also, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative. I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments. Also the whole notion of "I couldn't have made it without my husband" kind of says to me "you can't make it" and also slips into "aww, someone chose you!" A, yes you could have made it. It would have been horrible and awful and maybe you'd have to have a degree of government assistance you were not banking on, I would guess. Or some totally unimagined part of the world and people, something, will open up to you. B, the whole idea that romantic partners are never annoying is a kind of pretend jail. My husband Terry and I talk about this all the time while he tidies up and I donate to charity. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown is a book we all need to read. I admit, that whole thing about Who I Am vs. Who I Am Supposed to Be gets me every time. I think it's a fine line between embracing things I shouldn't embrace and being okay with where I am right now. I think that I should strive to be better, and maybe Who I Am is not good enough. So, I admittedly bristled a bit at the subtitle there. This book-- in the right hands-- at the right time- for the right person... Might be a perfect match! Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.” When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had much more time, attention, love, and connection for the important people in my life.” Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She also holds the position of visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (2012) I am having a hard time writing this review, probably for two reasons. First of all, there is so much that I liked in this book that I know I will be reading it again. If the copy I read had been mine, I might have underlined most of the book.

Like this: "Get Inspired...I'm inspired by this quote from writer and researcher Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: 'People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if here is a light from within.' I really do believe the light that I saw within the resilient people I interviewed was their spirit. I love the idea of being 'lit from within'." There's a lot of good stuff in here. While she notes that many of her own issues come out of a 'perfectionist' approach to life, I think the concepts of shame, compassion, and vulnerability are ones we should all be able to relate to, as well as deep ideas of authenticity and life meaning. I also appreciate that Brown is also very open about her own mental/spiritual health work and doesn't take a top-down didactic approach.I had to mark this as read to get if off my list. Actually I had to abort the read. Just could not relate to a word of it at all. I feel like this author is speaking a different language. I have a hard time believing anybody really CARES that much about what others think about them. It's amazing to me. A Whole book telling you it's OK if you're not who someone wants you to be?? I feel like saying "Get a life!"

Honestly, I had not thought much about the concept of shame in my life, but Brown provides some interesting insight. Based on the idea that shame "needs three things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment," she offers a path to building 'shame resilience.' One piece is to work on self-awareness, identifying the feeling and practicing mindfulness by asking why that feeling would appear. Another piece is to let go of the silence/secrecy by owning our stories and not letting other people write the narrative. "From gangs to gossiping, we’ll do what it takes to fit in if we believe it will meet our need for belonging. But it doesn’t. We can only belong when we offer our most authentic selves and when we’re embraced for who we are." Another piece is to practice self-compassion, something I'm particularly deficient in. Compassion for others? No problem. But I'm an independent, highly self-reliant Gen-Xer that should be able to manage all by myself. Brown walks me through the process of understanding why that doesn't work for what she calls the wholehearted life. I shall now summarize the book's precepts: Feel Good About Yourself. Be Compassionate and Grateful. Blah blah Laugh Dance Love blah blah.I mean it's nice to feel closeness - connections - and generally have people like you), but I don't go out of my way thinking about it one way or another. If anything... I love to notice what I adore about other people! I'm clear... By this age... I'm not trying to change anyone.. Nor am I asking for others to change me. I've just about finished your book "The Gifts of Imperfection" which I discovered after watching you speak on TED talks and I can honestly say that this book is helping me completely change my life. Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

This book is clearly in the cheerleading category of self-help, rather than the psychotherapeutic. If you want some mild encouragement and some cute quotes to put on your fridge door, maybe this is for you. If you are struggling with darker issues, you probably won't find answers here. Yesterday I started listening to "Rising Strong" by this same author. I had no idea she was the same author as this book, nor did I know that this book, and "Rising Strong", is part of a trilogy. I highly doubt that it matters.One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on "going it alone." Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we've divided the world into "those who offer help" and "those who need help." The truth is that we are both.” For example, research on the attributes that we associate with "being feminine" tells us that some of the most important qualities for women are thin, nice, and modest. That means if women want to play it totally safe, we have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible. I devoured this book, pen in hand, and marked up much more than I usually do in any book. Starting with the very first paragraph of the introduction: For over a decade, Brené Brown has found a special place in our hearts as a gifted mapmaker and a fellow traveler. She is both a social scientist and a kitchen-table friend whom you can always count on to tell the truth, make you laugh, and, on occasion, cry with you. And what’s now become a movement all started with The Gifts of Imperfection, which has sold more than two million copies in thirty-fivedifferent languages across the globe.