Then it’s the turn of the Irishman. He shouts “For Ireland!”…and pushes Johnson out of the plane. 7. Thatcher vs Johnson When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

A man decided to tattoo his wife’s name on his pen*s. When hard it reads Wendy on the side of his shaft. When soft it only reads Wy. So I’ll try to listen to how people speak, hear the words they choose and see how that can be turned around, and reverse engineer a joke out of that.” ‘Stand on stage and see if they laugh’So in essence, Jesus is…never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

Jesus’s Christ! Missed again!” The golfer shouts in anger. “You mustn’t swear like that, or God will enact his wrath on you.” The priest explains. But the man doesn’t listen. Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle He lived with his parents until he was 30. He worked for his father. His mother treated him like a god. And he still thinks his mother was a virgin. Did you hear about the guy who watched that new Bruce Willis film five times in a row? He was a Die Hard fan.

The 55 Very Best Dirty Knock Knock Jokes

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 10 months. A while found out that he has never seen The Office. So we made a deal that I’d watch Breaking Bad for him if he watched The Office for me. We’ve been doing an episode of each everyday together and it’s been great. However we recently got to a specific episode that makes a joke about the main characters penis size. Specifically there is a woman that exposes him as having a small penis in front of a gathering of people.

His next shot is even further off. “Jesus Christ! Missed again.” The man yells in anger. The priest explains again, how the man mustn’t use the Lord’s name in vain. What did the dentist say to his patient? “Don’t be silly, wrap your toothbrush, Willy! We don’t want any cavities!”What did the painter say to his brush? “Don’t be silly, wrap your bristles, Willy! We don’t want any paint splatters!” Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to talk with the aliens, so a meeting with our new visitors is scheduled. When it is time for the Pope to speak, he asks, “Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?” Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do." What did the gardener say to his rake? “Don’t be silly, wrap your tines, Willy! We don’t want any garden scratches!”