Because truth be told, we’re all hurt. We’re all traumatized, to varying degrees. We often associate “trauma” with only the most extreme instances of abuse, but this is a misleading conception: Deep wounding can occur from something as commonplace as being chosen last for a team during an early-childhood dodgeball game, or asking your crush to prom and getting turned down. And sometimes, it’s just impossible to do the right thing. Sometimes we don’t have a choice in the matter. This is why traumas often become multi-generational: When your father was an alcoholic abuser, you’re much more likely to enact that pattern yourself, pass it on to your kids, and on and on. Furthermore, we can sit with this fear and the feelings of pain beneath it; we can look at these feelings calmly, in the light of relaxed, open, non-judgmental awareness. This is quite difficult to do, but often when we do this we find that the pain and fear begin to dissolve. Through this meditative process we become more aware of our emotions and behaviors and less likely to act unconsciously. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Forgive and forget about finding fault.

Hurts are caused by sin itself. We remember that during the time of creation, all that God had made was "good." Nothing was subject to corruption, to decay, and to pain. Think about it.I silently asked myself “Why am I so angry?” That’s when I remembered that “Hurting people hurt people.” Sometimes, hurting someone you love is simply due to proximity. Everyday aggression can and does occur frequently. The defense of compromise communicates the following: “I will give myself to emotional risk based on the amount of risk you take.” While it seems logical at first, compromise in a relationship is a form of demanding that the other person has to prove herself or himself over and over again, and it is never enough. The other person has the experience of never being able to do enough. “I will give 50% if you will give 50%,” never adds up to 100%. Although that process may work in business, it is destructive to loving relationships. Healthy relationships require that a person be 100% emotionally involved, with the daring hope that the other person will also join. 4. We defend ourselves, finally, through cowardice. It’s like the domestic abuser that takes great care to hide their actions, then claims they didn’t know that what they were doing was wrong. Or an unfaithful person in their relationship who claims they didn’t think it was a big deal. Of course they knew these actions were wrong. That’s why they were hidden. They didn’t want to suffer the negative repercussions of their actions. You can even look to toddler behavior to see that people often act in thoughtless ways when they feel secure.

I have seen, and have experienced myself, four forms of “justifiable” protection that eventually harm everyone we would love or who would love us. Awareness of our defensiveness and admission of our defensiveness can be the first movements of returning to full life again. 1. We defend ourselves from pain through resignation.Is your behavior a product of your childhood or past trauma? You can’t stop hurting your loved one if you don’t know where that behavior originated. 3. Work on Your Communication Skills It is possible that Charles Eads coined the saying; alternatively, he was simply repeating a phrase he had heard previously. Now, as I’ve just said, we are all hurt. We are all traumatized. I’m not sure anyone in the world is utterly and completely and irrevocably healed, and given the difficult nature of life, new wounds and traumas are likely to occur as the years roll on. This is perfectly okay. Research revealed that we are more likely to be aggressive to the people we know better and love the most. So why do we treat our loved ones so badly? The truth is love hurts, and here are 9 reasons why those closest to you suffer the most. 1. You cannot walk in someone else’s shoes Consider a therapist who will speak with you individually and consult with you as a couple. If you aren’t comfortable with a traditional therapist, you can talk to a spiritual leader. 5. Reassess Your Relationship Goals