I am not saying to stay away from guys you feel a strong immediate attraction to and only date guys who you’re only “meh” about. I think you should date both kinds of guys- the infatuation guy could turn out to be a loser and the “meh” guy could turn out to be the love of your life (I’ve seen it happen countless times!).

Trust starts with you. It’s not that you don’t trust men anymore, it’s that you don’t trust your own judgment. If you can really get to the root of what went wrong, and what you would do differently next time, then you will be better able to trust your judgment going forward. Do you wonder why it’s so hard for you to have the life and love you want? Do you feel powerless in your relationships, like you’re at the mercy of someone else, feeling like you’re chasing a relationship instead of choosing it? Do you get caught in an endless, obsessive, analytical loop trying to understand why nothing works out? Do you find yourself dating the same copy-paste versions of people over and over? Do you know what it takes to have true, lasting love? Do you know the red flags to watch out for and how to be the kind of person that easily and effortlessly gets what they want in life? Do you understand why things haven’t quite worked out the way you wanted them to? If any of this resonates with you, then I would love to have you join a 5-week live course I’m hosting with my friend, world-renowned manifestation coach Ayelet Polonsky. Maybe you need answers, maybe you need an explanation. Maybe you think these things are owed to you. But the closure rarely comes, unless you want to wait a really long time. You don’t need him to give you an explanation of why he did what he did. Even if he does, the answer will never satisfy you. He’ll either give you some half-truth to spare your feelings, or he’ll give you the real truth and this will just hurt you. Sometimes closure is just running into him at the grocery store and not feeling the urge to call your best friend immediately and re-hash every single detail. Just like you have the power to choose, you have the power to close the loop. Reading The Mountain Is You signals your readiness for change. That said, change without a little bit of help can be hard. So there is an official workbook via Thought Catalog Books that will help you realize many of the lessons in the book in your real life. The workbook offers prompts to guide introspection and navigation through your personal challenges. You can find it here.

● Now that we know what causes us to obsess, let’s discuss some tools for overcoming it.

By embracing the challenges of life as opportunities for growth and transformation, we can climb the mountain of self-discovery and reach new heights of fulfillment and happiness. The best part is that when you’re not caught up in dreamland, you can actually be in the moment and this is how you form a connection. You can’t connect with someone if you’re not present and you can’t be present if you’re just obsessing and getting lost in a fantasy. 4. Fill the void within you So many girls make the mistake of getting caught up in how the guy feels about them rather than focusing on how they feel about him. Believe me, I know it feels so personal. He chose her, he didn’t want you, hence, you are not good enough. You are worthless. You are unattractive. You are just plain bad. You will never get what you want in life. You barely even know them, but you feel this magnetic pull that you’re powerless against. Some might make the mistake of thinking they’ve found “the one,” that this person is their soulmate or twin flame or whatever you want to call it. Haven’t we always been told that when you meet the right one you know “know”?

In movies and romance novels, love is this grand, all-consuming force that takes you over in the most dramatic of ways. There are huge obstacles to overcome, but it’s okay because love conquers all! I mean, would any of us have cared for “The Notebook” if Ali and Noah were of the same social status, went on a few lukewarm dates, then got to know each other and developed a deepening connection over time? Don’t think so. Unhealthy Relationships Start With A Pull

● Why it happens

When you obsess and analyze, you’re essentially saying: I don’t trust that things are going to work out for me so I’m going to keep questioning everything until I prove myself right. In this book, I answer all these questions and more so you can find and keep the love you’ve always wanted.

According to Winter, another thing to keep in mind about these soon-to-be reality stars is that they could be straight shooters. Given the knowledge that they’ve gained from their life experiences, Winter suggested the contestants may not have patience for nonsense, and that they will be able to clearly and positively convey that. The best way to have a healthy relationship is to go slow. This will create an environment for you to allow your level of interest and attraction to grow steadily over time, rather than flooding you all at once in a big emotional tsunami. It’s difficult to remain objective in relationships, especially for women since we are naturally more emotional. When we survey the book’s terrain from an eagle’s perspective, several foundational principles emerge. Here are some of those insights: We talk again later that night but it’s useless. I want him to beg for my forgiveness—I’m ready to forgive before he even asks for it!—but he doesn’t. This is the end. He didn’t just cheat on me, he’s leaving me for her. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything more painful in my life, not even childbirth. I chose poorly and I knew it, I just couldn’t pry myself away. I did what all of us do when we’re entangled in toxic relationships. I clung to the belief that it would get better, and someday everything would be different. As soon as he starts doing better in his career … as soon as his depression lifts … As soon as the stress of our daily lives subsides a bit … then everything will be perfect.

What To Do

The pain was too much. It was unrelenting and suffocating. So I dealt with it the only way my 21-year-old self knew how. I partied like a monster. I mean, take the wildest party girl you know, multiply her by 10 and that was me. Men don’t usually cheat because they no longer love their partners or find them attractive. It’s because they need a certain emotional fix. In my relationship, he felt like a worthless loser (these were his words, we talked about this a lot but I’ll get to that later). I saw his real, raw self and I wanted to take care of him … and in doing so, I kind of became his mommy. I cared for him like he was a little boy and there is nothing sexy about that dynamic. Eric’s work has been featured in Glamour, Marie Claire, Your Tango, Elite Daily, Fox News, The Huffington Post, The Frisky, The Stir, YouBeauty and StyleList. When you get in over your head, you may convince yourself that something like him wanting to live in the country and you wanting to only live in a city is not such a big deal. Someone who maintains a more objective perspective will realize she would be miserable living in the country and since this guy wouldn’t live anywhere else, she would get out of the situation. Don’t run away from your feelings, they will always find you. Don’t shove them to the side or bury them under drugs and alcohol. Don’t self-destruct, because what sense does that make?

When you wait for the closure to come, you just keep yourself in a holding pattern. You don’t let yourself move forward. You convince yourself that you need this magical closure to open the gates that will allow you to enter the next phase of your life. So change the mantra. When you catch yourself spiraling, just take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and tell yourself: “I will be OK. I will get the love I want” And just sit with that. When we self-sabotage, it is often because we have a negative association between achieving the goal we aspire to and being the kind of person who has or does that thing. Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You

The audiobook of The Mountain Is You is consistently one of the best selling audiobooks on Audible and Apple Books. The audio verion was narrated by Stacey Glemboski, a former English teacher that is now a voiceover artist. Stacey Glemboski presents Wiest’s guidance with a heartfelt, spirited voice. The audiobook leaves you with an abundant motivation to transform your life. While the audiobook is not free, Brianna Wiest has various free audio programs on YouTube and her podcast. Here are a few of those no cost options: Do you know the red flags to watch out for and how to be the kind of person that easily and effortlessly gets what they want in life?