Benson, K. L. (2017). Tensions of subjectivity: The instability of queer polyamorous identity and community. Sexualities, 20(1–2), 24–40. Fern critiques the prevailing assumption that healthy relationships are dyadic by in the field of attachment theory, and that behaviours out of the monogamous model is associated with insecure attachment styles. She additionally proposes that monogamous relationships may rely on the relationship structure rather than secure attachment to function. Krahé, C., et al. (2018). Sensitivity to CT-optimal, affective touch depends on adult attachment style. Scientific Reports, 8(1), 1–10. There are more than a few books out there about how nonmonogamy works. We haven't moved very far past them, most books are about what it is, how it works, the basics. But for regular relationships, those kinds of books don't really exist. For monogamous relationships, though, you have a seemingly infinite number of self-help books about how to make your relationships better. But these books are pretty useless for consensually nonmonogamous people. What is normal for monogamous relationships, the benchmarks, the agreements, etc., is not at all similar to what CNM people (as Fern calls them) have. POLYSECURE wants to be a relationship self-help book for people in nonmonogamous relationships, specifically people thinking about attachment styles. It is successful at what it sets out to do, though some of the task Fern has taken on slows her down a bit. But it's still so unusual to see this kind of book in the world that it feels radical. Brunning, L. (2018). The distinctiveness of polyamory. Journal of Applied Philosophy, 35(3), 513–531.

As polyamory continues to make its way into the mainstream, more and more people are exploring consensual nonmonogamy in the hope of experiencing more love, connection, sex, freedom and support. While for many, the move expands personal horizons, for others, the transition can be challenging, leaving them blindsided and overwhelmed. Beyond the initial transition to nonmonogamy, many struggle with the root issues beneath the symptoms of broken agreements, communication challenges, increased fighting and persistent jealousy. Being the attachment figure for more than one person can risk stretching us too thin, but that doesn’t just happen in polyamory. It can happen when we have more than one child, or if our own parents become childlike in old age—and those situations can threaten attachment with partners, as our attention shifts to those in need. That’s why Fern’s lessons for holding multiple attachments can be widely applied outside of romantic relationships. If we cultivate awareness of attachment styles and the attachments themselves, then we can more skillfully manage them.

Gives people a way to understand how they may be recreating old patterns by bringing their own childhood attachment styles into their adult relationships. More importantly, it offers concrete skills for how to use this knowledge to create healthier, more satisfying and secure relationship dynamics."—Max Rivers,author of Loving Conflict: How Conflict Is Really Your Relationship Trying to Go Deeper

Differences in how non-monogamy is seen and practiced by the couple ie. one person may view non-monogamy as an identity and the other may merely practice it as a lifestyle There are several reasons I love this book. It is divided into thirds, and I find myself recommending the first third to anyone that has relationships (which is everyone), because it discusses attachment theory in a beautifully accessible manner. Her explanation avoids overly scientific jargon and gives a succinct but thorough overview of how attachment, both secure and insecure, looks in children, but takes it a step further and provides information as to how the four attachment styles can manifest in adults. She also includes several helpful charts and graphs that give a lovely visual description of attachment styles that so many of my polyam clients (and monogamous clients!) have found helpful. This book is worth reading for the first section alone--understanding your attachment style is key to moving toward healthy and securely attached relationships and friendships. Robinson, M. (2013). Polyamory and monogamy as strategic identities. Journal of Bisexuality, 13(1), 21–38. Though I personally don’t know if I’d be into poly, a lot of what Fern lays out in the book applies to those in monogamous relationships too. I think if you’re already somewhat well-versed in attachment theory, this book may be mostly a review — I recently read Attached and found that a lot of the concepts were repeated. But regardless, I think the interpersonal skills required to have fulfilling attachment-based relationships in a poly context are incredibly relevant for everyone, regardless of whether they are in poly or monogamous relationships.Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Although the book aims to bring attachment concepts to non-monogamous relationships, I see the book as being very general and completely applicable to monogamous relationships as well (which is not surprising, since you can see monogamy as a simple subset of possible relationship structures ;) ).

Katz-Wise, S. L. (2015). Sexual fluidity in young adult women and men: Associations with sexual orientation and sexual identity development. Psychology and Sexuality, 6, 189–208. As the title suggests, I read this book because I've been curious about non-monagamy and saw that Polysecure is meant to be relevant for all romantic / sexual relationships. And it is! In many ways it’s an advice and self-help type of book, but given from the experience of a practicing polyamorous therapist. A practical guide to nurturing healthy, loving non-monogamous relationships using attachment theory. Book Genre: Health, LGBT, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Polyamory, Psychology, Queer, Relationships, Self Help, Sexuality There are books about polyamory, and books about attachment, and books about trauma, but as far as I know, this is the first to put them all together in one cohesive theory/work.The HEARTS concept of attaching to our partners, and even, to ourselves, also great. Relationships aren't like bookcases from Ikea - each one is different, BUT having concrete steps to take to improve a relationship that we might not have thought of, is great. I also really liked the last section, on building a more secure relationship with ourselves. Not every relationship can develop a sense of attachment, as I discovered that day with my friend. Almost by definition, it’s rare to find someone to serve as your secure base and safe haven. “This happens when our partners care about our safety, seek and respond to our distress, help us to co-regulate and soothe, and are a source of emotional and physical comfort,” writes therapist Jessica Fern in her recent book, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy. Moors, A. C., Conley, T. D., Edelstein, R. S., & Chopik, W. J. (2015). Attached to monogamy? Avoidance predicts willingness to engage (but not actual engagement) in consensual non-monogamy. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(2), 222–240. All products are fully recyclable and as a responsible supplier we will discuss with you your design and as part of our Possibly because it's the middle of the pandemic, and my reading brain isn't as sharp, but the beginning chapters of the book were a little dry and hard for me to get into. However, the middle and ending were both more readable, and helpful.