The majority of these things can be done by anyone, kite surfing doesn’t have the same appeal in the Firth of Forth as it would in the Virgin Islands however. Albert: During the... Del: If you say "During the war..." once more, I'm gonna pour this cup of tea right over your head! Albert: I wasn't gonna say "During the war..."! Del: Well that's alright then. Albert: Bloody little know-it-all. Del: Alright, sorry. Albert: Thank you. During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany... [Del glowers at him]

Rodney is not impressed by Pauline.] Del: You don't have romantic feelings, you. You just have animal urges. Sometimes I think you've learned the art of seduction by watching Wildlife on One. Albert: (heading into Grandad's bedroom) I might as well kip down in there, eh? Del: No, no, you can't go in there. That's my Grandad's room! Albert: Yeah but - I'm his brother! Del: Yeah, that don't make no difference. Only me and Rodney are allowed in that room! Thatroom is gonna remain exactly as he left it! That room is going to be a shrine dedicated to the memory of my grandfather. Albert: I understand, Del. Del: No, we'll just have to think of something else that's all. Listen, if I get the big mattress out of Rodney's room I can put it down. No, I'd never get it through the door would I. If They Could See Us Now [ edit ] Trigger: When I go in there, I'll just say I hear voices. Denzil: Trigger, you're not on trial, you're a character witness. Trigger: I know. But I still hear voices! Boycie: Oh, God. This is gonna be one of them days!

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Del: Do you know any hymns? Rodney: Er " We Three Kings of Orient Are". Del & Rodney: (singing) We Three Kings... Del: (suddenly stops) That's a Christmas carol, you wally. Why don't you go the whole hog, and sing "Jingle Bells" while I sprinkle him around a bit?!

Most business owners are not Derek Trotter, but many share Del Boy’s ambition when they start out; they see themselves at the helm of a multi-million pound business, perhaps even a multi-billion pound business. Del wonders why Rodney took him to a peculiar club.] Rodney: It looked all right from the outside. Del: It looked all right from the outside? That's what the Christians said about the Colosseum! Its seventh regular series aired in 1991 and was followed by sporadic Christmas specials until the show ended in 2003.Lovely Jubbly' has been revealed as the most commonly used Only Fools And Horses phrase in British life, according to a recent survey. Grandad: He was just a bloke in the market. Del Boy: Leave it out Grandad. If Mr Slater was here to believe our descriptions he'd have his men out searching for someone who was a cross between Tom Thumb and the Jolly Green Giant. Slater: With a Deaf aid I am going to start writing a blog, for no other reason other than that I want to write a blog. Some people might find it interesting, a few might find it boring and most people will likely not read it.

Del: When we see the gamekeeper, when we get down there, we pay him 25 quid. Rodney: What? And he gives us a fishing permit? Del: No, he shows us the hole in the fence. Rodney: I knew it. Del: It's called business. Rodney: It's called stealing! Grandad: No it ain't, Rodney. Del: Listen to your grandad. Grandad: It's called poaching. Del, Rodney, and Albert are sailing on a boat to Holland, and end up lost in the middle of the North Sea.] Rodney: He's something else ain't he? And what about all the currents they got round here? We could have drifted anywhere by now. Del: Yes, he's right and all ain't he? We're in the middle of the North Sea ain't we? It's got more currents than a hot-cross bun. Rodney: Ah, Picadilly. Right, that's mine and I have a hotel, so that's twelve hundred pounds. Grandad: Twelve hundred pounds for a hotel next to a smelly old waterworks? Rodney: What? Grandad: All them sewers. I'd rather sleep in the car, or look for a bed and breakfast. Rodney: No, you don't understand. Bless his little... Look, it's in the rules. Grandad: Twelve hundred quid-it's scandalous. I ain't a tourist you know. About 10 years ago I met a guy who was about the same age as me and worked on a farm. We were both 17 years old and I had just left school. The other person, we’ll call him Ranald, had left school a year or so before with very little or no qualifications. He lived and had grown up in the country all his life so the step from school to farming was the most likely and natural progression.Grandad: (bedbound) Del Boy, I'd like to be cremated. Del: Well you'll have to wait till the morning, 'cos they'll be closed now!

Don't worry guys, this time next year Del Boy's fictional residence of Mandela House will be filled with millionaires. Damien: (to Raquel) Mum, Uncle Rodders says that I'll be horrible when I'm all grown up. Raquel: Oh did he? Rodney: Yeah, well, they all are aren't they? They go through that Kevin and Perry stage. Raquel: Yeah, suppose they are a bit annoying. But when you reach 21 a man leaves those days behind him and matures into a responsible adult. Del: (on the phone) So, I squeezed this tube of onion puree into his hair gel! So Boycie goes to the wedding smelling like a Big Mac! Raquel: Well that's the theory, anyway. Rodney has been asked to make a film, and Del is pitching a less-than-brilliant plot idea.] Del: Right, okay, now this is a Jaws-type story. Rodney: Jaws? Jaws has been done though. Del: I know it's been done! But this is different. It's called... " There's a Rhino Loose in the City"! Mike and Boycie talk about Albert's terrible singing.] Mike: Why does he keep doing it, eh? Boycie: God knows. I suppose at some time in his life, someone told him he could play the piano. Mike: Yeah, but I'd like to meet the git who told him he could sing!Policeman: They called him "The Axe Murderer". He murdered a group of local fisherman. (Del and Rodney look at each other nervously) Oh well. Have a nice weekend. Del: Look at that Rodney, she's only had two husbands die on her. Rodney: Yeah? One more and she keeps the match ball, don't she?