While there’s a lot of tough love and it was hard to read at time because it’s all still so raw, the book provides advice on ways to heal and move forward. They didn’t choose those things—they made a deliberate choice to fuck other people and lie about it. But if the marriage is going to heal, then the betrayed partner will want to understand these vulnerabilities as well.

Cheating is a horrible choice and very hurtful but a lot of the time cheating is a symptom of a larger issue. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters - their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. So much of the things I've gone through - both emotions and actual events - are laid out here, almost as if people who choose to betray others are working from the same rulebook that us "chumps" didn't even know existed.Really enjoyed the message and will share it with loved ones who have been or are going through it themselves. If however you want to join the millions of others who have reconciled when the cheater has shown remorse and humility reading this book will encourage you to make the wrong decisions.

And many times the way to "affair healing" is away from the betrayer, not trying to save the marriage. There so much I love about this book, but I would not recommend it to someone who has just found out about their spouse’s affair any more than I would recommend a “You Must Save Your Marriage” book. Oh, the crushing indecision, being torn between two lovers, thwarted by the cruel forces of monogamy. Whilst I didn't find all of this book relevant to my situation it did provide me with many light bulb moments.I've had several former uncles who were women chasers and alcoholics who changed and became men of faith and no longer adulterers. These are the following core elements that she is perpetuating ~ indignation,intense dislike, negative binary stereotyping , total lack of empathy for the hated (the book takes no account of the emotional turmoil of the offender) and a basic underlying tone of sneering hostility. Stifling their suspicions, turning it back on them, and accusing them of being crazy and oversensitive.